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Submitted on
July 29, 2013


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Quick notice maties! The Captain found out he has a driving test this friday, so he's studying rather urgently for it. We'll post the new story after friday ^3^, till then, enjoy :3

-Co-Captain Hayes

After much debate, a decision has been reached.

The pirates have decided that I will keep my hat and to do so I must write an oath of loyalty, but one to the crew. I shall do this later tonight and swear that I shall act in a manner more becoming of a captain in future :3

That said, the co-captain and I came up with a lot of funny ideas for an 'after exile story line'. We'll be releasing these as prose releases starting tomorrow. We hope that you will all enjoy them, it's more of a 'what if' story line since I didn't actually get exiled, but we have some seriously good ideas for them and we really want to experiment more with comedy since a lot of people have been responding very positively to the comedy type pieces.

What can you expect from this?

A crap ton of references. Basically we're going to be parodying everything we can, as soon as we can think up a good way to do it. We've got ideas down for Harry Potter (big one yesterday), Dead Space, Space Marine (might be only small references at this point), we're taking huge chunks out of Dragon Age and to a very minor extent Neverwinter Nights, we're even doing a little bit of Star Wars and there'll definitely be a Batman episode. It's just this massive funny series of misadventures and the kind of crazy stuff that the Captain and the co-captain will get themselves into. We really wanted to do some Left 4 Dead and LOTR as well, but those may take more planning to integrate into the story. Another big joke early on (in case you're a Judge Dredd fan, though I haven't seen many of those)  is taken from the movie Dredd. Mixed opinions about the movie, but I've always like the character and definitely wanted to do a joke on that even if not everyone can get it. That said, yeah, you can expect us to make fun of literally everything (definitely including anime...a lot of anime references, though one or two might be from obscure ones xD).

Anyway, here's a quick excerpt from one of our planned stories. It's a clear parody of Dragon Age (in fact, Dragon Age probably gets parodied the most throughout xD) and we are definitely going to make use of the idea of 'ghetto elves' (gamers will know what I mean):


Chenbeard stepped through the gates of the Elven Quarter, well known to be the poor district of the Galbin city. It was here that he had once grown up, amongst the alienated elves and poverty stricken members of the other races. The very air he breathed was a tangible reminder of the term 'squalor', but nonetheless it was also 'home'.

"It smells of sweat and broken dreams here," remarked Lucilva, taking a cloth to her nose. "Are you sure we'll find allies amongst this," she groped for a word, "organic sewage."

Chenbeard laughed, "Ye might not know what it's like, what with you comin' from a normal family and all that, but out here, everyone's yer ally. Here, we all look out fer each other. No matter where we may go, no matter how far apart, we always return t' th' place from whence we came." He took in a deep breath and smiled. Even without looking, he knew he had company.

"Word on the street is that some shim-sham just walked into our neighbourhood," said a relatively tall and fit-bodied elf. "What's up homie, you get lost from the market place or did you just walk into the wrong hood?"

Chenbeard stifled a smile, enjoying the familiar speech he has heard through most of his youth. He hardened his expression and then turned to face the elf, "That depends, is a knife-ear like you lookin' fer trouble?"

The Elf grinned as soon as he recognised the captain and swaggered up to him. He held out his right hand and the captain gripped it readily. "Good to see you back knifer, didn't really expect to see my old brother walkin' the hood," the elf turned to gaze at the captain's companion, "not to mention he brought in some fine ass booty."

Lucilva rolled her eyes at the comment and refused to acknowledge the Elf.

"Damn girl, that's cold, but I like it cold. Girls with too much fire, they don't go down so good if you know what I mean," the Elf laughed, "now how can I be of service to an old brother from another mother?"


Yes, I am putting ghetto elves into my story. Every story has refined hoity-toity elves that are oooooh so proper, I think I'm not the only one who wants to see some gangsta elves x'3

Anyway, I'm off to write that proof. Tally-ho!

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

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Black-Angel-Dan Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Student Writer
Originally, elves weren't so nice at all. Only Tolkien started the trend. Elven in German folklore are even worse than dwarves.
iKestrel Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Hobbyist
Long serve Captain Chenbeard!!! And goodluck with the alternate timeline story!
zstew2 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
If you're doing themed stuff, for example, if you do Harry Potter, would you use people from the crew as characters? :bounce: :3
Enemv33 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
glad that your here to stay!
Missing-a-link Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013
I love it~ Sure I'm a fan of the original, smart speaking, calm elves, but these guys sound like much more fun!
WatchingTimePass Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

The ghetto elves remind me of some of the people I run into on my side of the city where I live and kids I see at school. Just had to point that out.

  060 - Ghetto blaster


Anyway, it was absolutely brilliant!

sugar-hype99 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Oh my gosh, gangster elves? Brilliant! :XD:
axslayer33 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
When you write the oath, you must do it without a single drop of rum :P
smartally12-13 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Good to know you're staying a captain, and better to know that more comedy is coming my way!
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Gansta elves? This should be all kinds of entertaining. XD
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