| Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Urban & Spoken Word | ©2012-2013 *WordOfChen |

Machine ManMachine Man:
It began with but a simple command, "to do as we are told".
Never to deviate from this path - never to nurture the soul.
We are told that we are given a purpose; "a part of something great!"
Yet why oh why am I so weary of that which is my fate?
Am I an error, a single anomaly, unable to feel intact?
Or am I missing some special attribute - a facet which I lack.
In a society made of fleshed machines; robots wearing skin,
Perhaps I'm simply seeking something, to fill this metal tin.
-Chen Yuan Wen, 16th November 2012

They Watch UsThey Watch Us:
Perched high upon the mountains;
With wings as black as night.
They watch us in the hour,
Before darkness turns to light.
I've seen them in my visions;
In dreams they come and go,
But the things they seem to tell me
I guess nobody should know...
I've seen children that are buried,
Beneath a frozen lake.
A maiden sits there weeping;
Her heart is soon to break.
The crows flutter downward,
A noose amongst their hands.
They take the maiden away,
To a dark and distant land.
And even if I follow -
Even if I try...
I'll simply end up buried,
Where the frozen children lie.
-Chen Yuan Wen, 10th November 2012

Sensual TortureSensual Torture:
You are but a simple pawn;
Caught in a maelstrom of ill feelings and turmoil.
You were not meant to be here -
But unfortunately, here you are my friend...
Now then, I do not wish to drag this out;
There is no purpose in badgering someone who knows so little.
However - without your confession - I'm afraid that
I would not know whom I should share my - pleasures with...
Though I'm certain that you will be sharing plenty...
Of course, it will probably be a poor idea to make you scream,
At least not while I'm still enjoying your fear.
Instead we'll begin with a simple agony;
A quick taste of your pain to whet my appe

An Oath to My FatherAn Oath to My Father:
The chill of winter is nothing, when compared to the cold inside my heart.
A fire, once stoked by the warmth of family, has quietly died, five falls past.
I dream of my father, who watches from beyond the realms - and my ancestors
Who fought against an endless army of giants, to win the lands we have today.
Just as a devout man honours his God through worship, I honour them through my axe!
Each stroke of the whetstone, each screech of the metal, brings me closer to them -
Even as I draw closer to my doom. Oh how I can feel him, for the anger in my blood
Boils evermore as I sense him approaching my camp. He is hun

Mercenary 1-1MERCENARY
Chapter 1: Blood is Beauty
Release One: Pages 1 - 3
THE COLD AIR in Baron Rorke's study did little to calm his nerves. He was expecting visitors this night and they were not the best of company. A shiver of dread ran down his spine and he spent most of the twilight hours staring out of a large window which stood behind his writing desk. It was amazing, he felt, how quickly a man could become attached to a life of luxury; only to be made painfully aware of how easy it was to lose it. War was always a frightening thing, even more so when one had the knowledge and sense to realise that it was no longer an exercise of glory, but a si
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In the line "You know, I spent so many days thinking about - what I did wrong" the hyphen seems unnecessary and like it's breaking up a line that does not need to be broken up, but that is just being picky on my part.
When you say "but like a cancer, you amputate someone the moment you think they've gone bad" the metaphor seems off since doctors don't amputate when someone has cancer, they surgically remove the cancer.
Now away from the negativity: Where the final line is in bold it really adds emphasis to the point that all is not lost when a relationship fails so it really adds to the poem drastically in a simple way which is always nice to see
My reasoning behind my ratings are:
Vision - 5 stars because you never wavered from the feeling that this is to show a train of thought leading up to the final realization that you are now stronger because of the way you were mistreated while with the person it's toward.
Originality - 3.5 stars because post break-up poems are all over DeviantArt and the same theme of the other person being a terrible person is in a lot of them. I've read of the other seeming parasitic/cancerous before also so it drops the rating half a point.
Technique - 5 stars because the street/urban accent you said to read it in really works wonders for it and makes it seem more legit, almost like it's being recited by someone as you walk past. It seems honest and heartfelt even if it wasn't based on your personal experiences, and that takes talent to accomplish.
Impact - 4.5 stars because after reading though plenty of the comments you received on this most of them show that this really impacted the individual but, personally, I don't get anything from it since I've wrote about the same concept myself plenty of times so it dropped it half a star.
This is my first critique so I'm not really sure if the reasoning behind my stars is important or not but I wanted to stand out amongst the other critiques. Anyways I hope I did a half decent job and good work Captain
The beginning of the poem gives a good sense of slight confusion and it sounds like the speaker is almost incredulous. It move into a more sarcastic tone towards the middle before jumping straight to the heart of the problem, the cancerous parasite. You use great descriptive words to show just how messed up and hypocritical this person is. I really like the end especially because you go back to focusing on the speaker and his thoughts. The last two lines in particular are excellent. The biting, harsh reality of the last line is very final and a fitting way to end the poem and any last vestiges of attachment that may have lingered on either side of the relationship. Very vivid overall.
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