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Undying:

How many days do you spend now, putting me down?
The coffin call for a dead man waiting around
"He's just an underground laughing stock, never to rise"
But on the seventh day I'm coming back; these are my ties!

The kind of promise that you made with the devil inside
You try to take away my soul, but I take it in stride
I ain't a doll that is crushed by the weight of his pride
I am the real and the raw of the things you denied!

You're playing snake games, selling oil, pass it off strong
You're just a pot head, weed dead, smoking your bong.

You try to look away, play and hide; apathy's best
But I'm the kind of bad boy you don't put to the test!





-Chen Yuan Wen, 7th February 2013
So yesterday DA shuffled my work...don't know why, but it kinda sucks that it's happening again. Anyway, I used to get mad but this time I'm like whatever I'll just use it as more writing material. Hopefully they won't shuffle this piece, but if they do, oh well.

It seems that they're always doing it whenever I'm starting something. Like yesterday, I was trying to advertise my shot-glass poetry style which I'm using for my second book '50 Little Glasses'. If you'd like an example, check this out: [link]

Anyway, about tonight's piece. It was written from an old experience back in school, sort of a rapid-fire rap really. I remember this one pot-head who used to think he was cool because he smoked, but honestly the cool smokers are the ones that don't brag about it like it's a top priority. Got nothing against the people that partake but this douche was just =__=. Anyhow used it as a model for this piece so I can show that no matter how much they shuffle me (or no matter how much that douche put me down) I'm cool in my own way and the more you oppress me, the more I'll rise ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you like my work and want to support me. Come buy my e-book for $1.99. I promise an epic fantasy you won't forget:



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:iconblack-fedora-pirates:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconjjm239:
I don't really like this. It comes off as a rap, which gives it a nice thudding rhythm, but the actual "creativity" lacks. I don't see the message, I don't see an image, and I certainly don't see much effort. The only thing it has, in my mind, is that rap style and rhythm. Put this to a beat and this would be a good track on a rap album.

But as I read this over, as I'm writing this critique, it seems disjointed in a lot of places. You go from death and resurrection to satanic ritual and voodoo (the doll), and from drugs to children's games. I look at this and wonder where your meaning is, if there is one.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 15 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmichel-le-fou:
Cap, you need my hand here.
Yes.,I could sense a rhythm like a rap too but I learned to overlook that and get on with real academic moves. Your premier skill and I have seen this with another poet, is that you play with rhyme patterns. Here, you start with couplets [stanza 1] and hen your second stanza is all the same rhyme. The succeeding lines are emphatic,I assume, since they are italicized, and they add a real tense mood. Furthermore, you are back with the original couplets, which is a rounding sensation. The content, about deals with Satan? and revival of the dead should be classed as horror but that is immaterial. Altogether, you done it well.

If you like my critiques, send an invitation to join.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 10 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmeetra-scarlette:
Meetra-Scarlette Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is absolutely beautiful! And the rhythm? Amazing. I was practically rapping in my head to this.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying it ^^ It was indeed a rap and I hope to do more in future :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmeetra-scarlette:
Meetra-Scarlette Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I look forward to them. :)
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconthumbsupplz:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks for enjoying it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Welcome
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i really like this. a lot. thank you, i have no words.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
You're welcome ^^ Glad you enjoyed it :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmikadiva:
MikaDiva Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student General Artist
No words to express this poem's awesomeness, Perfect ;)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye, well I'm glad ye liked it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconblubbityblub:
blubbityblub Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What do you mean by shuffle?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Shuffle means t' shift yer work back behind a less popular piece for no reason. It's happened before but now I'm sorta just meh about it xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconblubbityblub:
blubbityblub Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
O: okay thanks for the info :) NICE POEM
Reply
:iconnerdychick92:
NerdyChick92 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Student Photographer
Amazing as usual!! Great work!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye kindly ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icon7demented:
7Demented Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice job, Captain.

But what do you mean by, "shuffled" your deviations? :?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Shuffled means t' put yer piece behind a less popular piece without warning or reason. It happens occasionally to me xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
striking and meaningful.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye fer enjoyin' it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondestrakon:
destrakon Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
thats whats up
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye, and ye know that :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconimaterribledrawer:
imaterribledrawer Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's really good, but I wish you would just choose a number of syllables per line. some have twelve, some have eleven, and most have thirteen; that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it was kind of distracting to me... I don't know, I'm just overly sensitive to stuff like that.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Sorry, that's something I'd never do xD Cause that just ain't me style

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconimaterribledrawer:
imaterribledrawer Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
well it's good you have your own style :D
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Rise!!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
And then do wot? xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Fight, be better than before you were knocked down.
Reply
:iconredbuick95:
Redbuick95 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
nice!!!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconredbuick95:
Redbuick95 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
^_^
Reply
:iconssevora:
Ssevora Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like this one. It inspires me to make something!

Well done, good sir. Well done. :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Aww yer welcome. I hope it turns out well ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconzephyras-lied:
Zephyras-Lied Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Student General Artist
A great shotglass rap poem. I can see someone saying this in a rap battle. Wonderful job, keep up the excellent work!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Actually this is just a rap, shot glass rap would be about 8 lines and its pretty tough t' do those xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconpoetryfreak15:
poetryfreak15 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
When I read one of your poems meant to be a sort of rap, I always read it in the voice of Mike from Linkin Park. XD
Anyways, another great poem!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Bwahaha thank ye kindly fer that ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconpoetryfreak15:
poetryfreak15 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
XD you're very we3lcome! (:
Reply
:icongeobukseon:
Geobukseon Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Student Writer
You know, Chen... when I'm having a pretty crummy day, I can always count on one of your poems to help cheer me up. Thank you for writing this.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Egads lad, why are ye havin' a crummy day? xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icongeobukseon:
Geobukseon Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Student Writer
Because I got two epically great stories in my head (A MLP fan-fic and a fantasy novel) and I just can't get myself to sit and write.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Hmmm, ye'll have t' just pull yerself together and DO IT then :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icongeobukseon:
Geobukseon Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Writer
Ok. If I do get something down, you mind readin' it, chen?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Professional Writer
Send as a note and ye should be addressin' me as Captain. Crew's got to follow the rules o' ettiquette you know >3<

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icongeobukseon:
Geobukseon Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Writer
Course, cap.
Reply
:iconmusicamagica:
MusicaMagica Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This was a great read. Thanks for sharing!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks for enjoying, just putting out a bit of my frustration is all ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmusicamagica:
MusicaMagica Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconmiyu713:
miyu713 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
excellent work as always! :) A strong peice. Perhaps it be since im straight off a Linkin Park Ipod marathon, but this seems like something I could hear in one of there songs! :)

The message is clear and the lines are spot on! :) Great job!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Professional Writer
My rap style is heavily influenced by Mike Shinoda, hence why it tends to sound like a part of a Linkin' park song. I've been trying to switch my flow over, but this is just natural for me I suppose ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmiyu713:
miyu713 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well that's not to bad, Mike Shinoda is definitely someone worth respect. Linkin Park and even Fort Minor have good music and lots of magnificent rap! :)
Reply
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