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Submitted on
February 6, 2013
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Undying:

How many days do you spend now, putting me down?
The coffin call for a dead man waiting around
"He's just an underground laughing stock, never to rise"
But on the seventh day I'm coming back; these are my ties!

The kind of promise that you made with the devil inside
You try to take away my soul, but I take it in stride
I ain't a doll that is crushed by the weight of his pride
I am the real and the raw of the things you denied!

You're playing snake games, selling oil, pass it off strong
You're just a pot head, weed dead, smoking your bong.

You try to look away, play and hide; apathy's best
But I'm the kind of bad boy you don't put to the test!





-Chen Yuan Wen, 7th February 2013
So yesterday DA shuffled my work...don't know why, but it kinda sucks that it's happening again. Anyway, I used to get mad but this time I'm like whatever I'll just use it as more writing material. Hopefully they won't shuffle this piece, but if they do, oh well.

It seems that they're always doing it whenever I'm starting something. Like yesterday, I was trying to advertise my shot-glass poetry style which I'm using for my second book '50 Little Glasses'. If you'd like an example, check this out: [link]

Anyway, about tonight's piece. It was written from an old experience back in school, sort of a rapid-fire rap really. I remember this one pot-head who used to think he was cool because he smoked, but honestly the cool smokers are the ones that don't brag about it like it's a top priority. Got nothing against the people that partake but this douche was just =__=. Anyhow used it as a model for this piece so I can show that no matter how much they shuffle me (or no matter how much that douche put me down) I'm cool in my own way and the more you oppress me, the more I'll rise ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you like my work and want to support me. Come buy my e-book for $1.99. I promise an epic fantasy you won't forget:



Want to stalk me? Here are some cool links:

My Facebook Page: [link]
Youtube Channel: [link]
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Want to sell your soul to me? Join up with my pirate crew:

:iconblack-fedora-pirates:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconjjm239:
I don't really like this. It comes off as a rap, which gives it a nice thudding rhythm, but the actual "creativity" lacks. I don't see the message, I don't see an image, and I certainly don't see much effort. The only thing it has, in my mind, is that rap style and rhythm. Put this to a beat and this would be a good track on a rap album.

But as I read this over, as I'm writing this critique, it seems disjointed in a lot of places. You go from death and resurrection to satanic ritual and voodoo (the doll), and from drugs to children's games. I look at this and wonder where your meaning is, if there is one.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 15 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmichel-le-fou:
Cap, you need my hand here.
Yes.,I could sense a rhythm like a rap too but I learned to overlook that and get on with real academic moves. Your premier skill and I have seen this with another poet, is that you play with rhyme patterns. Here, you start with couplets [stanza 1] and hen your second stanza is all the same rhyme. The succeeding lines are emphatic,I assume, since they are italicized, and they add a real tense mood. Furthermore, you are back with the original couplets, which is a rounding sensation. The content, about deals with Satan? and revival of the dead should be classed as horror but that is immaterial. Altogether, you done it well.

If you like my critiques, send an invitation to join.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 10 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconmeetra-scarlette:
Meetra-Scarlette Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is absolutely beautiful! And the rhythm? Amazing. I was practically rapping in my head to this.
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:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying it ^^ It was indeed a rap and I hope to do more in future :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
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:iconmeetra-scarlette:
Meetra-Scarlette Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I look forward to them. :)
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:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconthumbsupplz:
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:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks for enjoying it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Welcome
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:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i really like this. a lot. thank you, i have no words.
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:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
You're welcome ^^ Glad you enjoyed it :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmikadiva:
MikaDiva Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student General Artist
No words to express this poem's awesomeness, Perfect ;)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye, well I'm glad ye liked it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
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