Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconwordofchen: More from WordOfChen


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 10, 2012
File Size
892 bytes
Submitted with
Sta.sh
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
5,484 (1 today)
Favourites
588 (who?)
Comments
127
Downloads
127
×
They Watch Us:

Perched high upon the mountains;
With wings as black as night.
They watch us in the hour,
Before darkness turns to light.

I've seen them in my visions;
In dreams they come and go,
But the things they seem to tell me
I guess nobody should know...

I've seen children that are buried,
Beneath a frozen lake.
A maiden sits there weeping;
Her heart is soon to break.

The crows flutter downward,
A noose amongst their hands.
They take the maiden away,
To a dark and distant land.

And even if I follow -
Even if I try...
I'll simply end up buried,
Where the frozen children lie.

-Chen Yuan Wen, 10th November 2012
Arrr maties,

BONUS RELEASE. This piece was done for :iconzune164: for his birthday on the 10th of November.

This backstory to this poem is once again a snippet from 'The Legend of Chenbeard'. It's the other story I'll be releasing over summer break.

In the world of Chenbeard the pirate, the fantasy world of Gaia, there are a race of humanoids with black wings known as the Sumi'tar. They are said to be the descendants of giants and although they resemble human barbarian tribes, in terms of their traditions and beliefs, the are much taller, bulkier and tougher than the average human.

Killing a Sumi'tar warrior takes a lot of effort and this is made worse by the fact that they are skilled combatants who enjoy conflict. Furthermore they bear an incredible resistance to poisons and disease, much like the dwarves, meaning cheap-shots don't quite work against them either.

Amongst the various races, the Sumi'tar are one of the few that can inherently wield Spiritech weapons without training and without suffering from spirit poisoning or magical mutation. The only other races that bear this trait are Orcs, Dwarves and Merfolk.

If you want to learn more about Spiritech weaponry and see the world I will craft for you...then look forward to summer break. It's all coming soon :3 (Necromancer is also set in the same universe so there'll be many similarities between the two stories).

As for me, I'm studying hard for my exams and trying to cope with some...personal difficulties. It's not too bad though and during such times you always find out who your real friends are.

I'll be back soon my friends, with all the colours of a freakin' epic RAINBOW *___*

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmiyu713:
Stunning work! :D

The flow was great, each line leading flawlessly to the next. The entire concept strong!

This has got to be one of my favorites! The images used and the emotion were captured incredibly well.

There was only one grammatical error. 'I'm seen them in my visions;'

One section in particular I was actually quite fond of:
I've seen children that are buried,
Beneath a frozen lake.
A maiden sits there weeping;
Her heart is soon to break.

It seemed to me to be the strongest section that stood out to me.

On another note, the poem seems almost lyrical!

Magnificent job captain! :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
19 out of 21 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconsenpaisakura:
Beautifully dark and haunting. I personally try to make things flow without using rhyme, but I feel like with this piece the rhyming makes it complete and adds a lot to it. If I read this at night alone in a house, I probably would get chills up and down my back. You have a very good selection of words that flow and all carry the same connotations of darkness and cold beauty.

I'm not thinking of any good suggestions at this point in time. I can't find anything that clashes in it and I can't find anything that doesn't flow like it should. I pronounce this work complete.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconiminlokisarmy:
iminlokisarmy Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014
We had to read one of our favorite poems at school.  I read this one. I think I may have made a few people scared of me.....
Reply
:iconsplitninja:
SplitNinja Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I can see what's happening in my head clearly in this poem.
Nice last sentence in the description by the way.xD
Reply
:iconthink-analyze-beyou:
Think-Analyze-BeYou Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Gives me chills!! Amazing.
Reply
:iconpietroschek:
Pietroschek Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
When will you finish the pen&paper roleplaying versions and the trading card game software???
Reply
:iconsamuraishoujo95:
samuraishoujo95 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
aahh the imagery of this is just *-*
Reply
:iconbirdkiller:
Birdkiller Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Writer
This was a fun read.
Reply
:iconluna33:
Luna33 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Awesome.
I'd switch one of the lines around to "Away they take the maiden" but overall I love it.
Reply
:iconkailani-e:
Kailani-e Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Amazing. I love this piece, there's such a haunting captivation in it, and a foreshadowing of a much deeper story. Rhyming usually puts me off, but you used it wonderfully here. It adds to the beat. Great piece! :D
Reply
:iconaugumon05:
augumon05 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
the darkest side of the human emotion known as fear is well shown hear. they think things have become hopeless after seeing many others end in that particular way.
Reply
:iconfrumpysnuffleupigus:
frumpysnuffleupigus Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ya, I think you know what Im about to say XD
Reply
Add a Comment: