The punctuation was good and did not hinder the satisfaction of reading.

One punctuation mistake I found though was in the third stanza second sentence. The comma is misplaced. I’m no good with grammatical terms but it ought to be omitted.

And following the ideology of removing excess, specifically punctuation wise, the first sentence in the same stanza is not necessary and unneeded grammatically.


I have a few personal changed that I think would benefit this piece and will ultimately not affect your overall scores. I would appreciate any reasons on why you might have defending against my personal changes unless they were simply out of personal style.

In the third stanza:

“He looks back at her, as she stirs in bed.
A yawn from her, brings another smile to him:
"How cute," he chuckles as he strokes her head.
He runs his fingers through her hair and is content.”

I would find it more appealing if the last sentence was written like so:

‘He runs his fingers through her hair feeling content.’

Another change I thought would suit the second to last stanza is in the first line. Here is the original…

“He picks up a piece of paper, one found lying on the floor.
Blank as it is, he begins to imagine & soon, he finds it filled;
Riddled with his feelings, his soul, his words and his hope.
Suddenly he realises, a twinkle in his eye –“

‘He picks up a piece of paper found lying on the floor”


On to the content.

As for the characters, the girl in this story is not described thoroughly and remains vague. That was not a negative thing because it leaves room for interpretation on her age and relation to the speaker. In my interpretation I found it more impacting seeing her as his only child and he is a single father raising her alone. As for the person of the speaker, there is not much information just as there wasn’t much for the girl. We know that he is not a powerful man. He isn’t a rich one. And as for his personality he is rather humble, compassionate, and curious. He has an air of relativity because he is not oozing with detail but shares an ambition that many people have on this site, to write poetry successfully and to reach people with his work. And because he is curious he has a trait that many poets have.


One thing that may be good or bad was the title… It was good because for example, in my head, I heard the words ‘The Poet’, and became immediately curious because I write too and I wondered what this guy had to say about ‘em. It was a good hook. But the bad part is that it sacrifices a potential method of impact. If for some reason the title was not mentioned and one just read the actual piece, one wouldn’t be aware that he planned to write and try to change people for the better until the very last stanza. So by removing the instant gratification of knowing what it is truly about until the end could be a great thing.


The flow of your technique and language was elegant.

Ultimately I am indifferent to this one thing because it is not a big issue but I noticed that not just your characters were vaguely portrayed, but the imagery and setting were rather plain. Both of which can have strong impact and strike up deep thought. Your short story had enough power to draw in a reader and focus on it yet perhaps you could have taken a reader right into another world, into that room, like some kind of ghost through adding more color with simple small combinations of words.


All in all this was a great read. Keep it up.

I think that the ampersand was used in the right place, capitalizing "and" makes the poetry seem iffy, so good job.

"Yet, even if he is happy here, again -"
I think you should have said:
"Yet, even if he is happy here,
again he is drawn"
or
"Yet, even if he is happy here,
he is drawn again to that window"

I really like the word "marveling"
So true, "just one man with little to his name"
"Riddled with his feelings, his sl, his words and his hope" made me shiver.

Great poem, I really like this. It shows that a father is protective, so he can find a way to be without blocking everyone out of his daughter's life.