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lititure by deathdog394

Literature by ExileFallen

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Submitted on
August 27, 2013
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78 (who?)
"They say that he's a legend, an incredible person far greater than any other!" said the Mage, bubbling with excitement as he described his hero to the Knight. "Would you believe he conquered seven dungeons all on his own?"

    The Knight scoffed at his remark, "Ser Mage, I believe you have been lied to. There is no possible way for a man to face even a single dungeon on his own. Hundreds of monsters wait inside, each eager to tear the unwelcome adventurer limb from limb. I have no choice but to believe this tale a far-fetched fantasy. Perhaps one that sprung from your many nights of alcohol abuse."

    "M-my drinking habits have nothing to do with this, I'm telling you, he exists! The legendary swordsman who faces dungeons on his own!" The Mage huffed angrily, as he turned away from his companion. He intended to come back with a stronger insult, but his thoughts were interrupted by a brilliant spark of light. And from this spark, like a white rose blooming in a garden of red, emerged a beautiful Elven lady with silky white hair. Above her head, a single name had been listed and thus began the legend of: 'ForeverAloneMan'.

    "You," said the Mage, going slack-jawed with wonder, "you're the legendary swordsman- ah, woman!"

    "This is your legend?" said the Knight with mocking laughter, "and how do you suppose she defeats dungeons on her own?" He stepped in, intending to use the almighty 'right-click' in order to challenge her to a duel, but he stopped when he saw what was displayed beneath her 'screen-name'. A shining mark, seven in fact, undeniable as the truth, for it showed that she had indeed conquered seven dungeons. And just as the Knight stepped back in awe, he saw the heavens boil with flame as an eighth mark appeared.

    "By the Six, how can this be?" asked the Knight, his voice muted and soft. He bowed and went on his knees, "tell me, how did you manage to conquer all those dungeons on your own? Why would you even think to do such a thing."

    The Elf sighed, she despised speaking; especially to those who asked such questions. But today, she was in a good mood. As she spoke however, balls withered and hearts died, for her voice was that of a disturbed male, "It's because I have no friends..."

    And thus the world itself ended, because everyone who saw that joke coming divided by zero!
Want to hear the characters in the story? Listen to the audio recording! -

Ladies and gentlemen,

While I am working on other commissions I realised I had an empty slot tonight, so I decided to post this funny little fic based on my own gaming experiences.

I am what most people call a 'Solo Player'. In games where the gameplay and victory is determined solely by skills, air combo chains, damage chains etc. etc. I usually end up being able to destroy even the toughest of dungeons. I always craft my own equipment and take on the toughest challenges. As such, I never make friends in games.

It's not so much that I lack friends, but rather I don't like to make friends in-game and I don't like to game with friends. It's always troublesome when people quit and I don't need excess emotion (I have plenty in my day to day life) so I usually go through the game without talking to anyone and just quietly beating all the toughest bosses the game has to offer.

If game says, "You need four players to complete this dungeon", I just push the NPC aside and say, "Woman, I AM four players" and then proceed to do it alone. For I am, FOREVERALONEMAN!

Anyway if you guys decide you like this, I'll write more. Let me know yah? lol

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
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Amayaling Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I thought this was going to poke fun at "nice guys". It was even better!
noorelven Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013
Cleverly disguised!
Light-Dusk Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
LOL! I was confused until I realized it was an online game.
PatternVSUser Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I found this surprisingly deep. This can easily expanded, especially with that point of view that takes the tropes of MMO's literally.

The last made me go wut
62nh Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013
I love it.
candygirl101010 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yes yes yes write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shadilyn Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Professional Writer
I love em, don't you? xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This made me giggle :XD: I think you're very smart for not making friends in games. It's not worth getting worked up over people you'll never truly know. I hope to hear more about ForeverAloneMan in the future, he sounds very amusing!
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Professional Writer
Bwahaha glad t' here that ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
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