Sweet Little Angels

(I know that everything that needs to be said has probably now already been, but hopefully you can salvage something from this pile o’ text here).

When I began writing (don’t try looking, there’s nothing on here), I was utterly obsessed with delving directly into a well constructed, moving, thought-provoking idea that would inspire others to stop for a moment, a think. Nothing specific, just sit and think in general. But it took me a while to realise that simply developing an idea, and nursing it, isn’t enough on its own. There’s three concepts you need to keep in mind.
Idea
Vocabulary
Tone

(Be careful, I’m about to bombard you with nonsensical ramblings):

Idea, of course, is the easiest to accomplish, and you’ve clearly demonstrated it in this piece! You’ve written the basic idea that, despite what happens in life, nothing is completely lost - it’s simply misplaced, and it’s patiently awaiting your return, and even the inevitable ‘end’ is but a gateway to rebirth. The way you refer to whomever they are (friends, family, children, the girl-next-door, the family pets, even), as just that: them/they, rather than being completely specific (you could have easily added constraints to it by saying children or loved-one), allows for a certain ambiguity. But, it’s not a ‘Oh, I’m so confused, it doesn’t make sense’ style, it’s more of a ‘He’s purposely left it empty for me to fill with whatever I’ve lost myself’, and I applaud you for that – in my instance, I’m reminded of my mother, whereas others may feel that connection to their husband, wife, etc., etc.

Now, when I leave my critical mind behind, and focus just on the thought behind the piece, you’ve dropped your readers into a vat of feelings, in which they can fill in the empty area with their own, which I love to see in writing, and especially in the more philosophical written word (READ: poetry). It’s slightly let down by the, not poor, but not overly-expressive lexicon.

Vocabulary and tone go nearly hand in hand with one-another, and seeing as you’ve done well with the tone (I love the line “and you can feel their warmth on the lonely nights”), so there’s only a little revamping you need to do.
What I mean is that certain words poke and prod at different parts of a person; some conjure the readers’ own emotions, some imply the author’s feelings, and others just sound really nifty! There’s where your story is limited; you need to expand upon this. There are words that have certain tones that sound strong, others sound soft and velvety, while others are crisp (such as crisp itself). Tonality is generally something that happens subconsciously, especially if you physically true to implement vocabulary.
So, write a piece such as this, completely ignoring vocabulary, and what the story sounds like. Even if it seems completely simple, just continue to write, disregarding your own critic. Then read over it again-and again, and pick out each section, then decide what feelings you’re trying to convey. Once you have a clear-as-acrylic picture of what’s occurring in each, let’s say, stanza, for example, then you can (now this will sound simplistic, stupid even, but it DOES work, especially once you get into the habit) search around for synonyms, get a fairly large list, and the rest is just experimentation with those word-lists. Find passionate words, sharp words, words that leap of the page and excite every aspect of a person when positioned in the piece.
Simple modifications can alter the enter piece, making it 10x as dynamic as it is in the first-draft. The tones of the vocabulary you decide to use are what the reader experiences before anything else, and if they’re not thrilled by it, often they won’t give the ideas a second thought.

Sorry, I tend to over-expand on such a simple subject – I love your ideas, and they’re beautiful once thought about, and you’ve got quite a wonderful grasp on tones and sentence structure, but you need to flesh out the story/poem a little more with imagery, metaphors, and more emotional language, that way you’ll inspire the readers to give it a second glance. Don’t be discouraged, everything can be improved, and what you have is still delightful! Keep up the wonderful work, and I look forward to seeing your next pieces!
Oh, did I mention? Love the scarf and beanie!