She Waits For Me

It's very easy to see how this piece grabbed some attention on the front page--this tale of an unnamed narrator, though following well-worn plotlines and standard imagery, does contain a very classic theme that many find timelessly intriguing. Hauntings--and the effects thereof--and the possibility of an unreliable (insane?) narrator can make the idea of it compelling.

The trick to executing such a used and re-used situation, however, lies in the author imbuing their own piece with originality and new life, settling it in with refreshing imagery and new twists and notions, to make it fresh and exciting for the discerning reader.

One of the first things I noticed about this work is that you've categorized it under "traditional and fixed forms", which I can only assume must be an error on your part? Forgive me if I am rehashing something you are already aware of, but fixed form/traditional poetry is called such because it's form is indeed, well, *fixed*. By that it's meant that it is a poem that follows certain standard rules. "Fixed line patterns in Western poetry take several forms: 1) accentual, 2) syllabic, and 3) accentual-syllabic."

"A fixed form poem is one that fits a traditional set of rules about repetition, meter, rhyme, and other patterns. Some examples of formal poems are sestinas, sonnets, villanelles, and ghazals."

(From [link] and [link] I highly recommend these articles, they are very good and informative!)

Rhyming alone does not a fixed poem make--as it stands now, this work is technically "free verse", which, although not many are aware of this, certainly does allow for rhymes and metrical play. It doesn't fit any sort of traditional or established form. Playing into that is its lack of of any consistent meter. In sonnets, for example, you can have the famous iambic pentameter, which consists of five sets of syllable pairs, one unstressed and the other stressed. For example, calling on Mr. Shakespeare's opening of Romeo and Juliet (capitals indicate stress on syllable):

two HOUSE/holds BOTH/aLIKE/in DIG/niTY,
in FAIR/verO/na WHERE/we LAY/our SCENE.

Okay, so that makes, in terms of meter, a pattern of 10/10/10 etc. This work, however, if you look at it that way, contains a metrical pattern of, in the first three stanzas: 9/8/9/6; 11/14/13/10; 14/9/8/8... in other words, no true pattern.

Again, perhaps this was merely a mislabeling your part, but I felt I should bring it up because it's something I've seen in other pieces throughout your gallery. Sorry, it's not a fixed form. Okay, moving on! To continue the technical theme, I'd advise a closer proof-read of this piece--your placement of punctuation comes off as random. Best to decide whether to fully include it, consistently include it in certain places, or omit it altogether. It makes for an easier read and a good degree more professionalism.

The italicized lines at the end of every stanza confuse me. I can see this is a sort of trademark of yours, however, I'm bewildered as to what artistic purpose they might serve. If anything, they come off rather jarringly. Use italics and such typographical embellishments sparingly, and save it for true impact. Highlighting every last line only makes it look a bit silly.

Word choice is important in poetry. Intense imagery is key to what a poem really is. A good one involves the reader deeply, emotionally, and is very sensory-laden, far more so than most other entertainment forms ever can do or be. For maximum effect, a poet should take care to always avoid overused or cliched phrases or maxims. A few of these do pop up here. A touch that is "chilling", for example. What's a truly unique way to say that, some way that will make you stand out from the average amateur? Turn it over in your head. Consult dictionaries, thesauruses, classic literature. What can truly startle a person into really feeling what you mean? Cliched phrases make the discerning reader skip over to the next bit, eyes skimming, because they've read it a million times before and subconsciously (on consciously) their brain is going "yeah, yeah. Read it before. What's new?"

Along that vein rests some pretty typical rhymes. Room and doom. See and flee. Me and see. Done and begun. Okie doke. Not horrible, but it doesn't bring anything new to the table. This is an exciting story, so your word choice, your very phrases and diction should excite me! I want to feel this creepy atmosphere and the narrator's desperation and horror. Who is this spirit? Who is this narrator? And furthermore, why should I as a reader care about them? Elaborate, expand, and spice up the language. I'd also recommend cutting that very last line. It adds absolutely nothing beyond the sort of dialogue you'd see in a video game, and that's not what this idea deserves! You've got a strong idea and a good notion of where to run with it, so why not spend a little more time giving it the love and attention that can really make it have an impact.