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Sending Me To Hell:

I close my eyes, as the black smoke fills the air.
Incense burned to create a semi-choking sensation.
A tiny inkling of the perceived suffering,
But it is enough to make this difficult...

Next, wounds are carefully opened.
Patterns carved into the flesh,
Resembling the nine circles of suffering.
As each begins to form a red river,

An ocean pools beneath my stained elbows.

In the distance I hear the cackling of witches;
Accompanied always by the mad shrieks of those beyond.
Already they can taste the red wine that I ooze
And eagerly, their tongues wag; anticipating the feast.

Concentrate...I have to concentrate

My teeth grind together, as I force them shut,
The pressure causes my jaws to ache and my body soon stiffens.
It seizes up like an iron vault, my mind its secret mechanism;
Twisting, turning, seeking the accepted combination.

I can feel them now, reaching for me...

Tongues begin to lick at my open wounds,
Lustfully salivating unto my arms;
Their spittle stains the worn carpet,
As their teeth seek purchase in my flesh and bone.

Caught by the miasma of their tainted bretherin,
The demons within me begin to rejoice.
Pushing and straining against their eternal container;
They demonstrate the full weight of their hedonistic tendencies.


Openly, do they bare themselves against the lapping,
Faces forming admist the cracks in the drying blood.
Each twisted into a lustful grin of pleasure;
They personify the libido that I keep in check.

Now I can sense it, even admist this hell of pleasure; The gate before me opens wide.

Like light pulled into an empty void,
My spirit is drawn and cast into its cold currents.
All sensation of life stops;
Not a single breath to be heard nor word to be uttered...

Now, I must awaken. Quickly, before it is too late!

I force these eyes of mine open, a gasp of air filling me;
My chest rises and falls as I stand, barebodied,
With snow falling gently from the sky.
Like ash...

My breath fogs up before me and my feet are quickly numbed,
Yet still I press on, shivering, toward the spire in the distance.

No matter how many times I try to escape, he'll be there waiting for me.

So shrivelled I am, by the that time I reach,
That even he allows himself this feeling of pity.
Tenderly, perhaps as one would care for a sibling,
He wraps a heavy cloak around my chattering shoulders.

His skeletal feature, normally left impassive,
Shift into a mysterious and impossible grin.

"Greetings Soujourner, I am glad to see that you are well..."





-Chen Yuan Wen, 8th January 2013
If you liked my work don't forget to click that favourite button at the top :star: (^_^)/ Thank you

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Author's Comment:

Arrr maties,

I'll begin responding to the comments made on me previous poem after this is all submitted and done, but o' course there is a reason for my being away.

Y'see, I have longed t' tell ye all about me journeys t' hell. Admittedly they are a little more frequent than I like, but the latest one left me.

Well, suffice t' say I'll be sharin' what I've seen with ye. Hell's pretty much kept up with th' times and upgraded their level of torture. What? Ye think being blown by the winds of lust is your own fate? As if, there are far worse punishments than just bein' blown by wind let me tell ye that.

In any case I'll be writin' about me journey over a few lovely poetic pieces. This is done using me story-telling skill level so as many of ye might have noticed, my style has shifted t' usin' plenty o' descriptive terms and detail.

I hope ye all enjoy it lads, even now it makes me shiver ^^;

*Now that that's all done with, shameless pirate self-promotion time*

:iconcaptainjackplz:

Now then, as usual, if ye haven't checked out me e-book yet please do check it out. The link is up the top just click on the thumbnail o' the cover. It's only $1.99 and ye don't need an e-reader to read it :3. Thank ye all fer checkin' it out and remember t' like and share it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you really like me lots and want to show some epic support (other than just purchasing a book), following this link and read the journal (^_^)V >[link]<
Add a Comment:
 
:iconoliviaotakusama101:
I don't think I've read something more mind sensual than this wonderfully worded piece of script in a really long while.

Every single paragraph, if not every single line, is just filled with the litterature of that of a professional. Using techniques that leave you hanging, but with enough hint as to what it is. Such as "Red river" leaving the idea of blood, but later on turning out to be "Red wine" instead for the witches. A very clever use of language Sir. (or Captain if you prefer)

The details of everything that you can sense, is more than enough to send the reader onto a journey into the pages where even THEY are able to feel it. And being written in first person helps it alot.

"Semi-choking sensation... percieved suffering." This line acts like a reminder, you are going to hell, and before you are allowed to enter its gates, you must get what you deserve. You must suffer in the worst possible ways before you die, so you will be prepared for the worst inside.

The metaphor techniques deffinately help to conjure the amount of pain that can be felt, such as "An ocean pools beneath my elbow" showing how much blood has been lost, death will come, painfully, but not before some torture.

The torture of not just physical pain, but mental too. Truely an agonizing imagining. The witches cackling and mad laughs, its as if I could hear them with my own ear as well.

The part I particularly liked was how you called your body an "iron vault", and your brain the "secret mechanism". It gives the picture of a robot, that does as it comands, but is unable to command itself to move, without the "combination".

The italics bring the story straight to the point, moving everything along, while the normal format just describes everything in that short, small moment. Showing how much pain and torture he can feel every second. So much to take in, in so little time.

The separate wide. One would think it an error, but looking at it, it stands out by itself. Making a statement, an emphasis on how wide the door are. Instead of saying "very wide" or "massively wide", this is very powerful in its own sense.

And at the very beginning, when he closes his eyes, I can't help but know, that he is adding to his own suffering. Shutting off one of his senses, making the pain, awhole lot worst. But this also makes one think, would it be more painful watching your blood pool into an ocean? Would it burn your eyes to see the things trying to devour you alive?

"Carved into the flesh." Is a sickenly beautiful line, saying is IS art. The patterns, the colour of red, I almost turned sadistic. This poem is the most well suited horror poem I have ever read, I'm sure lovers of not only Horror genre, but Angst lovers will definately love this.

Truely, a master piece.
Deffinately, I'll be re-reading this piece again and again.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
10 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
ah there he is .. the little dark chen hidden in the depths of commercial poetry :P

very awesome !!!! :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye, I hope t' experiment with more darkness soon ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsolsticecarol:
SolsticeCarol Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
These poems of yours I love the most!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye so kindly fer enjoyin' my work, I sincerely appreciate it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondestiny50193:
destiny50193 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
i love this
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye fer enjoyin' it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondestiny50193:
destiny50193 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
welcome :)
Reply
:icongeorge551:
George551 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
Well while I was away your talent certainly didn't diminish...wow....I may have to get a favorites favorites section, stunned.....yeah.....

Also I'm back...

But you may have guessed that
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Bwahaha, I can only hope that I continue t' impress ye George :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconcygnicantus:
Cygnicantus Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Hey, did you get the idea of compositing hell like you did from Dante?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Indeed I did my friend, however unlike Dante I didn't quite feel like making Hell simplistic ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconcygnicantus:
Cygnicantus Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Okay ^^ great you know the book xD
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye I do xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconandyhutchinson:
andyhutchinson Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Your amazing deviation has been selected for feature this week at :iconaus-art: [link]
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks so much mate, that's a serious honour and I'm very grateful, thank you so much again ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsilent-intrigant:
Silent-Intrigant Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Captain, this is the work of a professional! This is simply amazing!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye kindly fer enjoyin' this piece ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconelfproject:
elfproject Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Professional General Artist
This piece engages all five senses.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye kindly ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondassa440:
dassa440 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
fantastic. i would have used the word 'spittle' in place of 'dribble' or 'saliva' preferably but that was in previous line. awesome poetry thought top marks

'Tongues begin to lick at my open wounds,
Lustfully salivating unto my arms;
Their 'Spittle' stains the worn carpet,
As their teeth seek purchase in my flesh and bone.'
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Professional Writer
That's an amazing suggestion. I'll implement it straight away. I knew the word I used wasn't quite right!

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmarv0ss:
MarV0Ss Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
Yet another truly stunning piece of art!! :+fav:
congratulations on this wonderful accomplishment.

Marvin
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
me thanks Marvin, I'm glad ye liked it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconvastatorghost:
VASTATORGhost Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
ALWAYS CHECK FOR SOME TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS, SWEETIE. :icongoodplz:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye me apologies ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconvastatorghost:
VASTATORGhost Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
NO WORRIES, SINCE I'M INTERESTED WITH THE WAY YOU CREATE YOUR POETRY. :icongoodplz:
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Poe and Lovecraft were my first horror loves. They drew me in with their shadows and their demons, like some black torch. However, I regret to say that recently I have turned away from such works and instead have been reading and writing more upbeat poems.
With this and your other writings concerning hell and the like, you have rekindled that onyx flame within me.
The way you write has a tendency to suck me in. Reading, I almost gag on the thick smoke that exists only in my imagination. Somewhere in the depths of my soul, an imitation of the demonic lust that both you and the witches feel stirs. As you find yourself flung from the brimstone realm and into the frozen wasteland, a chill runs through me, though whether from your writing or from my mind's creation of this icy place I cannot tell.
And finally, as the poem ends with (I am assuming) Satan's words, I realize that I have swallowed this fire with both delicacy and gusto, and its sweetly toxic taste is left in its wake, dancing in both my mouth and my very being.
Thank you.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
I hope ye enjoy the next few pieces t' come that follow this journey ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconbronybeforepony:
BronyBeforePony Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
a pale candle to Dante Alighieri
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
A pity ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconcygnicantus:
Cygnicantus Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
heheh you're right :D Inferno rules! xD :love:
Reply
:iconwiipodgirl:
Wiipodgirl Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"Already they can already taste the red wine I ooze..."
Two "alreadys".
:iconringodanceplz:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Sorry fixed th' typo :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconwiipodgirl:
Wiipodgirl Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconringodanceplz:
Reply
:iconneonambassitor:
NeonAmbassitor Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
Love how descriptive this is :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconneonambassitor:
NeonAmbassitor Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Aie' not a problem cat'n!
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*stares* Hell.... the ultimate playground for writers when they aren't being tortured in it.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconbronybeforepony:
BronyBeforePony Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
an entire piece defeated with a single sentence
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Is that good or bad?
Reply
:iconbronybeforepony:
BronyBeforePony Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It was a compliment in the highest order.
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh! Thank you!
Reply
:iconthedisgusticifiedone:
TheDisgusticifiedOne Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Somebody reincarnated Edgar Allan Poe!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Not quite xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconmystic-cheetah:
Mystic-Cheetah Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
Very nicely done!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Me deepest thanks fer enjoyin' it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkmathel94:
kmathel94 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist
cool concept!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye kindly, I appreciate ye likin' it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsnowywolf13:
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This is great! I love the detail, and the varying text styles
Reply
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