literature

Pressure

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Literature Text

Pressure:

You try to breathe, but you're barely breathing,

You can't think clearly; you can barely speak.

Your mind is filled with needless thoughts.

Your cheeks are red and feverish...

-

You know what you must do,

But you can't bring yourself to do it.

Instead you jump into a thousand distractions...

Mindlessly seeking the thrill of the 'anything',

You cringe at the progress of time on the clock.

And with lips gone dry from an internal hell-fire

You continue to evade what you cannot face...




-Chen Yuan Wen, 22nd June 2013
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Author's Comment:

Aye maties,

How many times have ye lived while feeling the weight of mental pressure?

It rips yer motivation apart and rather than doing your best, you fumble. Honestly, acknowledging this is one of the best ways t' get over it, but it can still break ya easy.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:



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Comments81
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:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

You did a really good job on this. The vision it created was very good. There wasn't a ton of figurative language which I liked, but also kind of damaged the vision. I really don't think it could be changed to be any better, though.You get a five for vision! The originality is definitely a five. I've never read something like it. I'm happy I got to Your technique was wonderful. The impact will stay with me, but maybe not forever. The repetition at the beginning is something I liked.
Overall, you did a really great job! Be Proud! Keep writing!