literature

Practice Poem - Man In Cage

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Practice Poem - Man in Cage:

When I was young I was taught that pain begets pain,
Anger and animosity, malice and cruelty;
So deeply inflicted, so lovingly gifted.
I tasted of its rotten core and dared to call it sweet.

But what do I have to show for it?
White hot scars that burn in my dreams.
Reminders of a fragmented bi-polar self;
Self inflicted propaganda, to reinforce the "truth".

Truth so lovingly fabricated by a weakness within,
So desperately crying out for vindication;
Openly denying all that might shed light upon me,
Seeking only the company of shades in shadows...

Within four walls I sleep in exile;
Quietly pretending that I am still sane,
Never noticing how it has all turned out;
Alone I remain the same...




Never reaching, never living; I am free within the cage




-Chen Yuan Wen, 1st January 2012
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Author's Comment:

Arrr me hearties,

T'night I decided t' release this practice piece I did. More as a way of promotin' meself now that it's close t' the release date of me e-book.

In any case this poem was me experiment with the concept of an 'abstract poem'. That is t' say one that doesn't outright state its meaning and leaves you t' guess many things about it.

I can certainly say it was very difficult t' try and keep t' a concrete base idea while still keeping things relatively subtle. I doubt this could be considered anywhere near good but I suppose it wasn't bad fer a first practice run at the abstract stuff. I'm much more used to just splashing th' theme outright I suppose, rather than keepin' it hidden.

Also you might notice a kind of urban/spoken word feel t' this piece and if ye did, then yer right. I used slam as the basis for it ^^

Enjoy :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

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Maj0rMareMolester's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

You're right this poem couldn't be considered anywhere near good because that would be an understatement: This piece is simply amazing <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> There really isn't anything to point out that needs improvement so I'll just get to the rating:

Vision - 5 stars because you stuck with the theme and the character's thoughts are shown very aesthetically where it is almost as if I am the one experiencing it all.

Originality - 5 starts because I have never seen any other piece nearly like this one; it really stands out as well as originality can.

Technique - 5 stars because you made it to be abstract and, although I may have an assumption of what the piece is about, I'm not really sure what the concrete idea behind this is and so it was executed very well.

Impact - 5 stars because everyone seems to think about it a good bit, myself included, and that is a very effective way to impact the reader; if we never thought about it it wouldn't stay with us after we clicked off of this page.

Perfect score all around and I hope to see more of this style from you soon ^^