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Literature by WRITERandPOET

Poetry by Argentum-Lupae-Luna

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Submitted on
January 9, 2013
File Size
1.4 KB


75 (who?)
Practice Poem - D&D Tongue Twist:

So here, sit down, get down;
Everyone just f'in' hit the ground.
Cause I'm rhymin' with some rap I stole,
Everyone in the house just sit and roll;
Cause I'm burnin' fire with an Undead Monk
Yeah I play D&D when I'm f'in drunk.
Rush feats that'll make you go mad in black,
You'll scribble all over that fanny pack.

Now I'm crusin' through some Elven Wood,
Searchin' up some dude for the stolen good,
When a dragon pops out snarl and roar,
Man I roll for a 'Fist of Garandor'.
Eight dee six damage added through and through,
'Chain fist' makes me some Dragon Goo.
Got loot poppin' outta my character sheet;
Don't wanna get it stained with my milk and wheat...

So I sit in a tavern restin' up,
While the DM fills his restin' gut.
And his mom comes in the f'in room,

"Hey why didja enter mah lair of doom!"

"Do you want me to bring some pizza rolls?"

"Goddamit Mom I'm the Evil Grole!"

"But do you want some of those f'in pizza rolls?"

"Yeah I'll have some mom just make 'em gold..."

Man, this is why I love comin' over...

-Chen Yuan Wen, 9th January 2013
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Author's Comment:


T'night I thought I'd show ye all this poem I did fer a bit o' practise ^^

It's about th' time I spent playin' D&D as a young lad. After that I went on t' neverwinter nights and PC version and never really bothered with pen and paper anymore.

Excuse me though if 'Fist of Garandor' and 'Chain Fist' are actual attacks I don't know their damage rolls and just picked them since they sounded like real attacks and made th' poem flow.

Enjoy this bit o' fun lads and lasses ^^

Happy gamin' :3

P.S. If ye want t' make th' DM's lines funnier, try rappin' em in an Eric Cartman voice :3

*Now that that's all done with, shameless pirate self-promotion time as usual*


Now then, as usual, if ye haven't checked out me e-book yet please do check it out. The link is up the top just click on the thumbnail o' the cover. It's only $1.99 and ye don't need an e-reader to read it :3. Thank ye all fer checkin' it out and remember t' like and share it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you really like me lots and want to show some epic support (other than just purchasing a book), following this link and read the journal (^_^)V >[link]<
Add a Comment:
noorelven Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
hahahah nice :D
undead monk eh ? i'd be an elven healer priest .... totally squishy and yet throughout the campaign (or the part of it i played) i never died but the hardy characters all died ... several times :D
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Professional Writer
I like playing vampires ^^ Whoops wrong game (was thinking about sacred) kehehe. Thanks for enjoying this one :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
noorelven Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013
haha lol .. :D
welcome :D
ChristineAnne25 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I kinda felt like rapping to it. :meow:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Professional Writer
Haha, then my job is done :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. OMG sorry for the late reply >3<
MintyMintamin Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
allow me to be unoriginal for a change.
that was probably the best thing i've ever seen about D&D,
they rhyming, and the ending.
second, my DM never had that problem. we had a room all to ourselves in the library nearby our school.
thirdly, you would most likely be the most badass bard of all. i cant play bards sadly, and it's the only class i've played. great early game, but i cant keep up with the damage increases, the health points rising to unseen heights, and the armor classes rising up. i just ended up supporting our Druid, Monk and Rogue who can take the ton of damage *lvl15 213hp, 25AC) and the others could dish out a lot of damage. our rogue could do 300 damage in one turn, max, while our monk oculd do 150 averagely.

that is all. no poems today. . .
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Professional Writer
Haha I don't know about traditional DnD so those stats sound a little high (for the Neverwinter Nights version) however, I can understand how damage can get that high xd.

New D&D does allow for some epic bards and other classes :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. so sorry for the late reply .3.
MintyMintamin Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
. . .nah, my bard managed to have 20 dex and int *they started as 18 though*, but my str was 9.

I heard of epic bards, my mother played one who could killed anyone because he was that good a player. When he negotiated, he actually gave a speech.
He was such a wild card, one day, he ruined the plan of the DM killing everyone. "Okay, since that happened, allow me to demonstrate what we will do next" and threw his entire journal over his shoulder XD

It's fine, Captain. I'm a patient person.
Math-Mage Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
Felt more like a rap than a poem because the meter is rather irregular. I read it in tune to 'Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny' xD

Also, I'm curious about the intent behind the frequent use of 'effin' ' (f'in'), because as I read the poem it seemed more like an awkward syllable-stuffer due to repetition, especially when the DM's mother uses it too.
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
I have to politely censor. Substitute with the appropriate word 'fuckin'' and you'll find the meter fits better xD

Also it is clearly a rap, but it's marked as a practice poem because there is no rap category on DA xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
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