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Player versus Player:

Elemental artisttry, as lightning weaves through the air.
I see the bloodthirst in his eyes, the hunger for victory.
A demand to be recognised, yet soon to be silenced;
Perfect and perfunctory - my opponent made defunct...

As I stand above this dying creature;
The flicker of life soon fading from their eyes.
I smile and whisper a word of parting,
For the fool who fell where he lies.

-Unfinished piece by Chen Yuan Wen, 10th April 2012
Okaaay everyone <3

Back here again with another unfinished piece for you. This was written by the Captain as a humour piece originally but we never ever got to the humour bit xD.

The word we were supposed to choose was the word 'PWNED', but we never found a way to insert it without making the poem look and sound inferior.

In any case, I hope you enjoyed it ;3 More coming tomorrow and almost everyday (well, when I can bother the Captain at least) because he's got 2 exams next week and so he's studying his little asian arse off.

See you all tomorrow~ <3

-Co-Captain Bunny Hayes
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Critique by FierySense Apr 10, 2013, 6:46:31 AM
This is an great piece of poetry.
First of all, I love your theme which is about player versus player. What captured me most is the second stanza. It's like sympathy combined with seriousness.
Second, you added some not-much-used words like perfunctory and defunct although I didn't knew what they meant. I think it is better to add some more words easily understood and known by a lot of people.
Third, you have to be careful with spelling. You can check it if it has a red line under the word if you are using StashWriter. The misspelled word above "artisttry" should be spelled artistry.
That's all :-)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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noorelven Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
could be applied to any gaming universe or sport .. neat :D
call it unfinished but it sounds quite complete as is :D
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It feels so real...
Player versus Me...
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
aluckystar Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013
Kinda applies to me cause I feel like a dick whenever I kill anything in games.
Even monsters.
So I skirt around them and end up being under leveled.
NekoNinja13 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013
very nice it sounds so serious, and it shows how serious gamers are sorta, anyways i like it
starmic Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013
i would have to make new words of amazing to discribe your new poems
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this
candyzombielord Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
loved it.
SECRET-NINJA-SUPER-M Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013   General Artist
I liked it. Very nice ^_^

[Best of luck to the Captain]
20Tourniquet02 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013
Lovely poem~!:)
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Lit. by Silversahde

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Submitted on
April 9, 2013
File Size
653 bytes


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