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Submitted on
April 9, 2013
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109 (who?)
Player versus Player:

Elemental artisttry, as lightning weaves through the air.
I see the bloodthirst in his eyes, the hunger for victory.
A demand to be recognised, yet soon to be silenced;
Perfect and perfunctory - my opponent made defunct...

As I stand above this dying creature;
The flicker of life soon fading from their eyes.
I smile and whisper a word of parting,
For the fool who fell where he lies.

-Unfinished piece by Chen Yuan Wen, 10th April 2012
Okaaay everyone <3

Back here again with another unfinished piece for you. This was written by the Captain as a humour piece originally but we never ever got to the humour bit xD.

The word we were supposed to choose was the word 'PWNED', but we never found a way to insert it without making the poem look and sound inferior.

In any case, I hope you enjoyed it ;3 More coming tomorrow and almost everyday (well, when I can bother the Captain at least) because he's got 2 exams next week and so he's studying his little asian arse off.

See you all tomorrow~ <3

-Co-Captain Bunny Hayes
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Critique by FierySense Apr 10, 2013, 6:46:31 AM
This is an great piece of poetry.
First of all, I love your theme which is about player versus player. What captured me most is the second stanza. It's like sympathy combined with seriousness.
Second, you added some not-much-used words like perfunctory and defunct although I didn't knew what they meant. I think it is better to add some more words easily understood and known by a lot of people.
Third, you have to be careful with spelling. You can check it if it has a red line under the word if you are using StashWriter. The misspelled word above "artisttry" should be spelled artistry.
That's all :-)
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could be applied to any gaming universe or sport .. neat :D
call it unfinished but it sounds quite complete as is :D
It feels so real...
Player versus Me...
angelgirlartist Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Kinda applies to me cause I feel like a dick whenever I kill anything in games.
Even monsters.
So I skirt around them and end up being under leveled.
very nice it sounds so serious, and it shows how serious gamers are sorta, anyways i like it
i would have to make new words of amazing to discribe your new poems
snowywolf13 Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this
candyzombielord Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
loved it.
SECRET-NINJA-SUPER-M Apr 9, 2013   General Artist
I liked it. Very nice ^_^

[Best of luck to the Captain]
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