Painted Skin:
He smiles at you, as you enter the office;
Wearing eyeliner made of contempt and disdain.
His cheap cologne invades your nostrils immediately
And you quickly suppress a cough.
"Yes, yes, indeed we have to review this...er, many things are involved."
His face is powdered with a layer of self-importance;
Lips reddened by the polite harshness he spews.
His forked tongue flickers as he prattles on
And you're really getting quite tired.
"Oh I'm sorry! Of course, of course I understand; but my way is much better!"
You're getting really bored now, so you take a look around the room.
The expectation is to see it bedecked with acolades;
Yet bare walls, cold and empty, are all that greets you.
"Are you listening to me, I'm telling you why this isn't good enough. LISTEN TO ME!"
You take a look at the cup of coffee you were offered,
Cheap and lukewarm; you narrow your eyes.
"Is there a problem? I'm being honest, this is for YOUR OWN GOOD!"
Funny, you seemed to be talking about yourself the whole time...
You take the lid off the cup and smile,
Seeing your own reflection looking so harried; you chuckle...
"YOU! HOW DARE YOU THROW THIS IN MY FACE, DON'T YOU KNOW I'M-"
Shut up...
You close the door to the office and walk out, hands in your pockets.
Looking up at the sky you feel calm and maybe a tad inspired.
Well then, what kind of story should I write today?
-Chen Yuan Wen, 10th January 2013
I do believe that this piece is quite unlike anything I have ever read; I am most pleased that you bolded the word that the man was speaking, a nice touch separating lines and adding impact to the story. A story that you sir told beautifully. I thought the general theme was original.
2 Technique
You did italics when the "you" were speaking which is nice, it makes what that person is saying seem like they are in a far off world. Or maybe that was just your part about the coffee. The metaphors were shockingly fantastic (I only say shockingly because at I immediately knew what type of person he was.
The Ending
the ending was very interesting, unexpected to say the least, and i enjoyed it.
Sincerely,
M.
I remember these sort of scenes well, whenever I held an office job (shudder) and having to attend my monthly performance reviews, as well as being back in school and meeting the teachers over stuff like how I'm lagging behind my subjects, the feeling of claustrophobia and the feeling of resentment of being there, not knowing if the person you're facing is actually sincere or not.
And yes, there are times when all you want to do is get it over with, or just walk out of there mid-meeting, but for the most parts, you're stuck with them, listening to them prattle on and on when your mind is away, and so the ending is definitely what some of us would've liked to do.
Frankly, I like this one.
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