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Misery's Garden:

Through the cold ice we trekked, the Reaper and I.
His face an ever-shifting grin, oscillating between joy and malice...

With quick, light-footed steps, he lead me to a warm green meadow.
A small hut in the distance, a little garden beside.
Where a hunchbacked man, covered in boils and open wounds;
Bearing a crooked jaw and gnarled hands, tilled the earth.

"Egh yew ooh wha gu wan!"

I was so startled by the hunchback's sudden outburst,
That I jumped and gripped the Reaper's cloak in fright,
Yet as soon as he had seen me, the hunchback's eyes glazed over;
He appeared to forget about our presence...

I had to admit, I was very curious
And I wished to move in close so I could inspect him.
Reaching out with my hand to clasp his own;
I was assailed by horrid visions.

In one instance I was a collector of night soil,
Abuse hurled at me like stones and I the accepting target.
For to speak was to open this torn mouth of mine
And that would merely draw a mocking laugh and looks of fear...

In another vision I was placed in a moving chair,
Unable to speak, but allowed to cry; strapped in as my limbs flailed.
I could not understand the looks of those around me, but I understood pain;
Pushed to the ground with force, my limbs jerking in shock.
I dangled helplessly, caught by the belt, my misery a whimper...

But the last was the most terrifying, for it felt utterly real.
A simple loaf of bread clutched in my hands,
As I was pinned to the ground and pummelled by many men.
Their joyous shrieks and entertained guffaws,
Rang hollow in my ears as I picked the crushed pieces of bread -
From the dirty floor...

What else can I do?
I have nothing to eat.


"Eb-yu Eb-yu, 'Op!"

The yell of the hunchback brought me out of my painful reverie
And whilst I'd been lost to the world; the sky had grown dark...

Thunder crackled and lightning cackled, as trees burnt and the ground cracked.

Faceless men emerged from beyond the greenery,
Spouting hateful words that buzzed through the air.
It was the mere sound of these vulgarities, regardless of their meaning,
That caused the heart to clench as forgotten wounds reopened...

For hours I watched as they beat the hunchback;
Raining abusive blows like a swarm of angry bees;
They hurled a vulgar verbiage, mixed with excited bleats,
As they forced him to spit his teeth and cough up red...

Body shattered, badly battered;
On the cracked ground the hunchback crawls...
Seeking, in the distance, a simple flower.
A tiny symbol of hope, a glowing sun;
Burning brightly - but soon crushed by a heavy boot.


Laughter filled the air as the hunchback wept,
His boils bursting open and covering his body.
Wracked with pain, the flower was medicine
And so he screamed; incomprehensible words

"Eg-yu! Eg-yu! Agh-ah Eg-yu!"

The Reaper smiled at me as I watched the tragedy unfold,
"As it was given, so too shall he beget,"

On his hands and knees, the crying hunchback crawled;
Reaching out and grasping at my leg...

"Ehu eg-yu, ehu eg-yu"

As he muttered those pitiful words,
He grasped my boot and touched it to his forehead,
Clearly pleading - though I knew not what he wanted.

"A punishment made to fit the crime," said the Reaper,
"Yet pardon does require sacrifice..."
He smiled coldly, "would you like to present a gift my lord?"

I nodded solemnly as I ruined my thumb,
Canine teeth tearing into the nail and flesh,
As blood leaked from the maimed finger;
I spread it across the hunchback's forehead...




"Thus will I anoint..."





-Chen Yuan Wen, 12th January 2013
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Author's Comment:

Aye maties,

T'night I decided t' post th' continuation o' me journey t' hell series. The first of which can be found here:

Sending Me To HellSending Me To Hell:

I close my eyes, as the black smoke fills the air.
Incense burned to create a semi-choking sensation.
A tiny inkling of the perceived suffering,
But it is enough to make this difficult...

Next, wounds are carefully opened.
Patterns carved into the flesh,
Resembling the nine circles of suffering.
As each begins to form a red river,

An ocean pools beneath my stained elbows.

In the distance I hear the cackling of witches;
Accompanied always by the mad shrieks of those beyond.
Already they can taste the red wine that I ooze
And eagerly, their tongues wag; anticipating the feast.

Concentrate...I have to concentrat


After being received by the Reaper I watched this tragedy unfold and at the end I anointed the man with my blood, though I knew not th' purpose.

I hope ye've enjoyed it and the kind of imagery I used, because hell isn't about punishment only fer a specific type of crime. There are punishments designed specifically fer th' crime ye committed and this is one of them. It is an accumulation of what ye've done and this is th' end result =P

Anywho, I hope ye've enjoyed this and I'd just like t' use th' time t' say somethin' else.

T' those who choose t' whine instead o' workin' hard. I will never give-in t' ya.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you really like me lots and want to show some epic support (other than just purchasing a book), following this link and read the journal (^_^)V >[link]<
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmichel-le-fou:
Captain, here I be for a new critique. What shall I say besides it is your inimitable style? Your narrative style and tone stand out through all your works, which I never cease to enjoy and like to collect. Your tone reflects the mood of you as writer as well as narrator, naturally. The selection of language here, as in all your poetry, is typical but none the less fascinating. You keep us on edge.

Quick, light-footed steps. A hunchback emerges and mumbles in a language or jargon that reminds me of the jargon i created for my first novella. Sadly it is NOT online here. A true creator, and always a pleasure.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconwinterkate:
Heya. I've given you critique before, I think, so you know that I'm not just attacking you personally with the low stars. I'm giving you blunt, honest critique because I know you can take it. It's just that for me this does not feel like a poem at all. There was interesting development in the story - I liked the vision about the night soil the most, as it struck me as the most original - but other than that, really, I feel like the poem is sentences broken apart, and that I've heard several of your similes and descriptions before (like a swarm of angry bees, etc). I do like the bit about canine teeth; that was intriguing. I just wish there was more of that originality in there, and maybe that this was transformed into a prose piece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
19 out of 20 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013
Hm.
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconthumbsupplz:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying this ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Welcome
Reply
:iconaugumon05:
augumon05 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
I found this a little harder to follow/ read than most of your other works, but what i could follow was really good.
Reply
:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
ooooooOOOOoo a continuation :D awesome :D
very well written too!!!
Reply
:iconsilversahde:
Silversahde Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
"With quick, light-footed steps, he lead me to warm green meadow"

In this sentence isn't it supposed to be "he lead me to a warm green meadow?"

I loved the poem on the other hand though.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for picking up the error, it has been changed

And of course, thank you kindly for reading ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsilversahde:
Silversahde Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
No problem ^.^ I love your poems
Reply
:iconsmokedragon:
smokedragon Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
The misery in this is vivid and positively inescapable. As always, thoroughly enjoyed your work!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye fer enjoyin' it, I'm very glad ye liked this piece. Tis not one o' me most popular since it's very word heavy, but I'm glad ye enjoyed it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconstrawberryshawty:
StrawberryShawty Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Whoa I'm in love with this. I could honestly picture the meadow and myself walking with the reaper. Your literature skills are amazing and very dark...I like your work the most
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye I'm proud t' get such a lovely compliment ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
A watcher from afar, I am, peering into my crystalline globe in order to observe ye and your journey through hell.
Normally I would ask that the Gods watch over he that walks through the brimstone halls, but they cannot see within there, can they?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Ho ho ye'll just have t' wait fer a next instalment, which will come after a break since I need a little style revampin' ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Then wait eagerly, I shall! ^^
Reply
:iconsolsticecarol:
SolsticeCarol Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Everytime when I'm in a hurry and I think "I can't, this is not the time, I'll read it later"... I cannot. I have to read your poem anyway. xD
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Bwahaha, I'm very glad that it interests ye. Me next few works will be shorter so ye can rest easy ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconpoetryfreak15:
poetryfreak15 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Your imagery is always the best.
Although this one seems a bit more like a shore story/prose than a poem. It doesn't exactly have a real flow to it. But it does keep you reading. It's wonderful writing still.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye, thank ye fer enjoyin' it. I'll be spendin' a few days revampin' me style and comin' back with something stronger ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconpoetryfreak15:
poetryfreak15 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Right on!
Reply
:icontwilitefairy:
Twilitefairy Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Waaah o.o This is so cool and creepy! And i love that Reaper! =3
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye fer enjoyin' it, I hope t' revamp me style soon and come back with th' next installment ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icontwilitefairy:
Twilitefairy Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:glomp: you're very welcome!
Reply
:iconthehappy3:
TheHappy3 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Gruesome ... I love it.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Me deepest thanks ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconthehappy3:
TheHappy3 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconohyoucasplz:
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am too lazy to give a crituque right now e_e
Honesly(of course) this does not feel like a poem - with torn sentences and a structure that just doesn't apply for poetry. It would have been much better if it were written in prose (which I observe as a tendency in your latest submissions, except for that humourous one from yesterday)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye indeed, fer that reason I'll be revampin' me style over th' next few days and then come back with something stronger ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkoolmanjr:
koolmanjr Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
keep up the good work @Wordofchen
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so kindly fer th' compliment ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconagent36496:
Agent36496 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013   Writer
This is so sad, but quite well-written. Maybe because tragedies are my kind
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Then I hope ye'll enjoy th' next one, which will be out once I've finished refreshing my style ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconharleklown:
HarleKlown Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really didn't understand it until I read the Author's Comments, but I love atmosphere it gives off~
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye fer readin' it and enjoyin' it regardless ^^ I hope t' further improve my style and come back even stronger with th' next one

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You are fascinating (right word?).
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye that be the right word and I hope I keep fascinating ya xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconjwolfdemon:
jwolfdemon Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student Writer
this was amazing i loved the flower symbol of hope and I loved how at the end he almost realized what the man wanted. He wanted acceptance which was why he said i beg you. This was a great puzzle for the reader to figure out thank you for such a wonderfully imaginative piece.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye, I hope th' next piece is even stronger and for that reason I'll be revamping my style and continuing my journey of self-improvement ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsnowywolf13:
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love the way you can tell a story in poem format. It's very unique and impressive :)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye, I'm glad ye enjoyed it ^^ However I also feel it is a little lacking and so while I revamp my style over the next few days I'll be constantly practising to reach a new level in th' kind o' work I do ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsnowywolf13:
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Well, I think it's great, but I can't wait to see this new level :)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Professional Writer
Aye, the new level is comin' right soon :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsnowywolf13:
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Yay! :)
Reply
:iconzephyras-lied:
Zephyras-Lied Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student General Artist
A very interesting and dark poem like usual. The imagery was rather frightening and seems fit for hell. Overall, an impressive poem, keep up the wonderful work!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye fer enjoyin' it, I hope t' make th' next one much more impressive after I revamp me style ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconthunder-13:
thunder-13 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very interresting and attention grabbing.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank ye kindly fer enjoyin' this piece. I hope th' next is even more impressive ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconthunder-13:
thunder-13 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ha ha, of course it will be!
Reply
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