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Machine Man:

It began with but a simple command, "to do as we are told".

Never to deviate from this path - never to nurture the soul.

We are told that we are given a purpose; "a part of something great!"

Yet why oh why am I so weary of that which is my fate?

Am I an error, a single anomaly, unable to feel intact?

Or am I missing some special attribute - a facet which I lack.

In a society made of fleshed machines; robots wearing skin,

Perhaps I'm simply seeking something, to fill this metal tin.

-Chen Yuan Wen, 16th November 2012
Aye me friends.

Tonight I've decided to make a bonus release...because I have an exam tomorrow and I really can't be buggered studying anymore :iconcaptainjackplz:

That said, I do sometimes enjoy doing some human nature poetry. I usually write this stuff when I'm in the right mood (i.e. down down down down). I wrote this one a couple of days back as a skeleton idea and fleshed it out today.

Hope you enjoy it. I'll be back veeery soon.

Wish me luck for my exams tomorrow...so that they'll remember it as the day they almost failed...Captain Siddhartha Chen (for those of you that didn't know 'Siddhartha' is my first name...SHOOOOOSH, its a secret.)

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmaj0rmaremolester:
Maj0rMareMolester Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That was pretty damn amazing :D I wanted to write a critique but it was too good for me to make one since there has to be something negative to point out in it XDD
Reply
:icondragkor:
Dragkor Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
The more i read, the more i like ;D you are amazing ^^, even if we all think about it, i wouldn't find such a good way to put it!
Reply
:iconmissrazor:
MissRazor Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
WOOOOOW THIS IS FANTASTIC!
Reply
:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012
WOW
Simple, deep and intense. Rings true with the current times and the bleak news that comes across every form of media. Also strikes a chord deep down within what should be a heart.
Reply
:iconsevroy:
Sevroy Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Nice. Good job.
Reply
:icongoombapie:
GoombaPie Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
i love this!
Machine Man and You Left Me Stronger are fantastic
:)
Reply
:iconpoetryfreak15:
poetryfreak15 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Very.... inspiring. I like it :)
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I enjoyed this very much.
Reply
:icondademonicartist:
DaDemonicArtist Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
makes me think of 1984.
Reply
:iconaloafofbrad:
aloafofbrad Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
that's what art is for. ;)
Reply
:iconthemeepynerd:
themeepynerd Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well. That was AMAZING. So deep, detailed yet abstract, and everything good poetry needs. The coolest thing is that, even though the man is a robot/machine thing, we can still relate, thanks to society.
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:iconmoleboi:
Moleboi Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Writer
Sounds as if carries some Nietzschean undertones :)

Great poem and good luck.
Reply
:iconbluegumibear:
bluegumibear Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, I loved it! And good luck on those exams!
Reply
:iconxyvette:
xyvette Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
OMAGAHD HOW DO YOU WRITE THESE STUFFS???? IS SO AWESOME >W<~ does it take long for u to think of one?
Reply
:iconthatguy-ovurthurrson:
dude, you ever listened to Sentient 6 by Nevermore? its pretty much this in song form. check it out. also, this is pretty fantastic.
Reply
:iconthehappy3:
TheHappy3 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Good luck with the exams!
Reply
:iconjellyfishnoodle:
JellyfishNoodle Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional General Artist
nice, i love it. i tend to feel the same way a lot of the time
Reply
:iconthepatientjedi:
ThePatientJedi Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student Writer
Not to sound sappy or anything, but this really struck a chord with me when I read it. I've been dealing with a lot of crap trying to register for classes and get my degree at university. Dealing with all that has really made me think about the reasons I am going to school and why I have to do certain things because educated society deems it "the correct path for a successful life."

I don't know, maybe I'm typing nonsense. (It is rather late right now). But, I really liked this piece. Thanks.
Reply
:iconladysparrow01:
LadySparrow01 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
I loved this piece! Oh, and good luck on your exam!
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I can't say I agree with the idea. Nowadays nobody does what he is told and is it better ? I think not. At all... Don't know how things are at your country, I can just speak for mine. Also, a bit too long for the rhyme to take place ? Even though " a a b b" is good for longer lines, still seems longer than the needed. Still, much better than a lot of the crap on the fp.
Reply
:iconmikaelamb:
MikaelaMB Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think the idea is pretty good. I mean, we all live in a world where everyone is trying to follow a pattern so there is this risk for us to become 'the same', machines. I take it not as an invitation for rebellion, but as a way of saying 'You should be yourself'. Just sayin' :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Writer
I will be reading it live on the 21st comeback episode, so I will demonstrate then how to properly apply the longer lines when it is read out.

As for the idea itself, it depends.

Also, the idea behind it I think is different because of our perspective. I am speaking more about a particular ideal. i.e. I come from a very asian family where there is a lot to do with achievement. You must study hard etc. etc. The pathway is quite rigid. I actually don't mind it, but I know some people don't like that. This piece was written with that in mind. Plus, the message is not to rebel and etc. etc. it might sound like that, but that's only because a lot of songs take that direction. This poem is a man simply questioning himself, he does not take action nor incite rebellion, he just wishes to understand himself

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconlivinginmythoughts:
LivingInMyThoughts Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Very nice job with the poem, and best of luck with your exams!
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I wish you the best on the exam, and totally relate to this poem:)
Reply
:iconjordanthornquest:
jordanthornquest Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Fantastic. Awesome awesome awesome! It's concise, gripping, to the point, and it's a perfect length. The rhyming measure makes it hit home, too! The last 4 lines are the best.
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Good luck!!!
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Artist
That was great. Well done. :)
Reply
:icongirlwhowrites:
girlwhowrites Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sadly true and lovely as ever.
Good luck on your exams. ^^
Reply
:iconluna33:
Luna33 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Lovely. I like it a lot. Reminds me of the song "Machine" by Regina Spektor (by far the weirdest on my playlist...) I like the surrealism, anyway. Since you asked for critique, I think that your poem could benefit from a little more rhythm, getting the syllables in each couplet balanced.
Poems don't have to be perfectly rhythmic, just my personal preference.
Reply
:iconsilvermoon9897:
SilverMoon9897 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
This is amazing :wow:
It describes how I feel when this happens= :work: in my life, you're right society is like a machine.
Good Luck on your exams! :iconcheerplz:
Reply
:iconblakdynamite:
BlakDynamite Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
i like the way you snuck "deviate" in your poem
Reply
:iconouroborosragnarok:
OuroborosRagnarok Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is really good. reminds me a bit of the fallout games.
Reply
:iconapocalypticaya:
ApocalypticAya Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
This ... actually takes me to my favorite webcomic XD. Beautiful job, as always ^^.

And yes, good luck with exams :3.
Reply
:iconfrozenangelbrony:
FrozenAngelBrony Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
that awsome moment when you find your idols work on the front start up page thingy that appears like when you logged in and only the LEGIT 20% kool chizz appears. SOCIETY: your doing it right (:
Reply
:iconnghts1lk3r:
Nghts1lk3r Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
This sounds like what I used to think back when I was in the Navy.
Reply
:iconezzielynn:
EzzieLynn Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Nice!
Reply
:iconkurodaia-chan:
Kurodaia-Chan Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
this was really well written i love it! :la: Good luck on your exams, i hope you do well! :XD:
Reply
:iconaugumon05:
augumon05 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
seems like i am searching for the same thing.
Reply
:iconsnowywolf13:
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, I've never seen the "society is a machine" and the "I'm different so I must be a mistake" metaphors combined before...It makes sense XD I like it :)
Reply
:icondjbones98:
Djbones98 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is absolutely amazing.
Reply
:iconzephyras-lied:
Zephyras-Lied Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Amazing poem, good luck on your exams!
Reply
:icon20tourniquet02:
20Tourniquet02 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Amazing poem!!! I like the use of "machines" this way!
And good luck for your exams tomorrow!
Reply
:iconellenah1:
ellenah1 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful!!
Reply
:iconsun-down14:
Sun-Down14 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
At least someone agrees with me about society.
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconharleklown:
HarleKlown Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love this~
Reply
:iconstarmic:
starmic Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Amazing....I have no words this is.. genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:icondusk-rose:
dusk-rose Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Wow. this kinda goes along with something my friend and i were talking about the other day how society is training us to be machines.
great work. :)
Reply
:iconumicash:
Umicash Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist
Yeah, I can really relate to it ... :/
Our English teacher always discusses how society shapes us pupils through school,- he told us that he is a communist haha :D, the old nerd ^^
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