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Judgement:

You are a mewling coward and weakling
Offal to the world, yet too arrogant to admit it!
Unbridled by the feelings of shame and guilt;
A man who was naught but a self-serving sycophant...
Remember the days that you used to spend
Envious of others who worked harder than you
More and more you would curse at their backs
It was an act that blackened your tongue and soul!
Now as you gaze into the maw of the inferno
Endlessly waiting for the judge's call


Read the first letter of every line, and know the fate for which you fall.


-Chen Yuan Wen, 6th July 2012
Fave it if you enjoyed it ^^:
Those who fave in the first hour get a dedication tomorrow. It helps me know who enjoys my work :3.

Author's Comment:

Arrr maties,

Second release fer horror week. I wanted to do something different than the usual sadako stuff. I'll save the frightening things fer tomorrow. Instead, enjoy this rather demonic piece. It's nothin' special really, but I thought it would be a good idea to break from the usual form :3.

EDIT: To those who believe I spelled the title wrong. First go to this link: [link]

Then try typing judgment in a comment box. You'll find it turns red and gets corrected to judgement.

Thank you for your time and thanks for the view ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

Other Poems by Me:
Barely Breathing - [link]
An Epic Legend - [link]
The Tomb of Khaine - [link]
To Save a Princess - [link]

Other Prose by Me:
Sanguine Chapter 1 - Release 4 - [link]
Pirate: The Legend of Chenbeard, Chapter 1 - Release 1 - [link]
Mercenary Chapter 1 - Release 1 - [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Can't really give any marks on the technique, but it's very good for free-verse, I don't generally like free verse poetry either. There is one thing I'd correct about your technique though. It would be having to tell people it's an acrostic, in the poem. I personally would say it should be in the description, as a few should work it out without needing the hint. Only my personal opinion of course, and only thing I didn't like ^^"

The imagery is perfect with all the fancy wording XD
And you manage to pull off "fancy wording" too, well done you! It's very impressive to see a writer use strange words perfectly.

This is the first poem on dA I've seen which is both an acrostic and has an entire theme of it's own throughout the words as well. Usually an acrostic is pathetic, with an interesting message down the side afterwards. But this was perfect. :thumbsup:

I would've given you around impact four, the imagery and impact of it was perfect, but not entirely powerful throughout the message, and then when you finally see the acrostic, having read it without entirely noticing what little nagging thing it was about the poem that's annoyed you.

It takes you aback and well, I personally had to applaud it. :clap: Well done my friend, you managed to take a very weak acrostic form of poetry, make it your own, and above all, make it powerful, make it strong! Well done my friend.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
20 out of 20 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconthewitchofgrich:
A very beautiful poem!

It is very dark and taunting, written with slight feeling of superiority, as it should be, judging by the title and the motives. Perhaps, I would have liked 'stronger' words to emphasise the dark fate of the victim. Still, you did quite well.

The words are well chosen and somewhat unusual, which makes the poem all the more original. I personally like your choice of vocabulary and how you constructed the acrostic. Even the last sentence could be a part of the poem - it fits, like a message after the riddle.

It doesn't awake strong emotions, which is why I didn't give all five stars, but the feeling of dread is still there, especially in the last verse which is an excellent ending.

Well done! :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconlolnyny:
lolnyny Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
OMG!! love that! you are mine! :D
Reply
:iconlolnyny:
lolnyny Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
judgement
Reply
:iconsmightar:
Smightar Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Student Filmographer
YOU ARE MINE!!EPIC!!!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Haha, thanks for enjoying ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icontwiunderseeker:
TwiUnderSeeker Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012
This is amazing. Love it.
Reply
:iconacheron21:
Acheron21 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
Beautiful. Very fitting in todays society
Reply
:icondarkphantomflame:
darkphantomflame Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
this really rustled my jimmies and gave me goosebumps when I finished, ITS AWESOME
Reply
:iconnaiad-of-naraka:
Naiad-of-Naraka Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
So, you're British?
Reply
:iconkedonsine:
kedonsine Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You Are Mine! Arrgh!!! :Screams: *Hides Behind Lyra* :fear:
Reply
:iconbionic-kitty:
Bionic-Kitty Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Im not really one for poetry...but i WILL remember this one. words can't descirbe all that i feel after reading this and that's saying something because i usually don't react like this toward art or writing. It's short, but definitely packs a punch amazing work
Reply
:iconlyrajolt:
LyraJolt Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Front page Captain !~ ;3
Reply
:icondesinent-river:
Desinent-River Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
"Remember the days that you used to spend
Envious of others who worked harder than you
More and more you would curse at their backs"

This is it?
In today's world there is a lot more evil coming from those who actually didn't work hard, keep faith in the social contract or even obeyed the law who are now living plentiful lives. Meanwhile the genuinely honest and hardworking are now having to scrimp and save just to put food on the table

The author of this piece is living in a disney dream world
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Ah yes, I am well aware of the struggle to scrimp and save to put food on the table. Yet we ask ourselves, what is the reason for a struggle in the future. Is it the fault of the small percentage who take advantage of the world? Many are quick to agree to that as it is a simple solution and one that doesn't require any self introspection.

Yet, one's future is dependant upon the past. Being just average and going day to day...it results in an average life, where scrimping and saving becomes a necessity. I choose instead to work hard to put myself in the best position possible, because I plan for the future.

Some individuals get lucky, some individuals cheat. However, light will shine upon those who choose the right path and NEVER give in. I've thought many times about giving up and I've also faced the abyss of hopelessness and come out stronger from it.

I feel bad for those still caught within, but I only my path and I know my determination will never waver. People think you can't succeed if you just work hard, sorry but you can. I am living proof of that and I will continue to be living proof of it as long as I can still draw breath.

Living in a disney world? Please that's just an excuse to be lazy =P

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondesinent-river:
Desinent-River Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
What pretentious bullshite is this???

don't try to con me, you think you're some magic "writer" so you get to paint some proper asspaste and pass it off as "poetic"

as is evidenced by everything around you, we don't live in a meritocracy - we live in a plutocracy where money rules and everything in our society is designed and built by rich people to protect their interests and the interests of their children, the moment you realize that "education" is literally worthless BECAUSE everybody has access is the moment you have a basic understanding of how those in the past decided our limited time and resources should be rationed

"light will shine upon whose who choose the right path and never give up" ha ha haaa...

Shine on their GRAVES is closer to what actually happens on this planet

yes, you are lazy, you are living in a disney world, I hope I popped a bubble or two
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Professional Writer
I see, so let me now counter.

You believe we live in a plutocracy and you are angry at rich people for having everything and you say an "education is worthless".

These statements show how truly shallow you are in your way of thinking.

Let me explain in more, ah, simple terms. With an education you are not being handed a job or anything like that. That is what people who only have a LINEAR mindset think. No, an education is a tool. It is basic framework with which we can understand and manipulate our world.

Agreed some start better off and some start with god mode on. I have none of those cheats. I come from a normal family, my dad ran a pizza shop. I don't own an iPhone, don't own an iPad. I don't even own a bed or my own TV.

So does that mean I should sit around because everything is hopeless? Wow, that sounds like a fantastic plan, let me just sit down and imagine that everything will fall into my lap?

I think that if you believe in the hopeless nature of life, it is you who is living in the bubble. Get with the times and open your eyes. Nothing happens for anyone that doesn't reach out and try to take it.

I spend hours everyday working on my next literature piece, my next poetry release. I plan events and schedule my day, squeezing in studying to maintain an extremely high GPA and a hopeful position on the Dean's List once I graduate.

Do I expect a top paying job and a huge salary? Nope, but I do have tools and I have a brain. So I innovate. Since I'm not loaded, I have time. I convert time into poetry which gets me exposure and I get to meet people and talk with them. hopefully I create a fanbase. Maybe I can sell some of my works to the fans who believe in me and want to help.

If you use your mind, you can overcome many things. Personally, I'm tired of simply sitting there thinking that things are hopeless. Nothing will change if I don't move forward.

Popped a bubble? Lol mate, the only ones living in bubbles are those who feel they need to use vulgar language to get their point across. Honestly, if you speak like a sir and talk like a sir, life will treat you like a sir. Kind of like this really: :iconfeellikeasirplz:

So I do bid you a good day and you are of course welcome to keep this little discussion going. Regrettably I won't be able to counter till tomorrow (since my net is kind of out and I'm boring my auntie's) but I will respond ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconseanthedandy:
SeantheDandy Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012
Hey, you've earned some major respect points from me, Chen! Love your philosophy on art & life.

Why anyone would live life like its a pointless waste is beyond me. If you have the means to be happy, by golly, ya gotta go for it. Sure, not everyone who truly deserve it "make it" in the end, but if you're not born into success/fame/fortune, you definitely won't get it without some hard work... so why not go for it and have some fun along the way, eh?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Professional Writer
Well thank you, that's really just what I want to do. I wasn't born with much of anything really, I'm just going for gold where I can ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondesinent-river:
Desinent-River Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
"an education is a tool. It is basic framework with which we can understand and manipulate our world."

How was "education" invented if it wasn't there to be the framework for the prehistoric man to even begin manipulating his world?

Nevermind, you can go ahead and stay in your disney dream bubble, just keep this in mind - for every success you have you can be sure at least 100 others lost, can you really tell them that they can have your job if they simply "work hard enough"... fact is the answer is no, better luck next raffle when you leave the job on your own time
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Professional Writer
Haha, clearly you don't understand what I mean.

In any case, I live in constant fear of being replaced, because all it would take is some hard work and I could be easily dethroned =P

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondesinent-river:
Desinent-River Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
Hehe xD

you so funny, of course you're safe they're YOUR contacts so nobody else even gets a peek
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012  Professional Writer
You don't understand the system on Da do you =P

Once you're out of the spotlight, you're done mate. That's how it is :3. So if someone works harder than me, I'm done for. That's why I gotta stay on my toes :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconudaii:
Udaii Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
I do see both of your sides, how perseverance can lead to success (although only for the lucky ones, people can work hard all their lives and never get a penny to show for it), and also how education doesn't really mean anything in the wake of a rich family and good connections.

I do see how you could believe none of that has any input on a persons life- however it really makes the difference. There are plenty of celebrities that never worked for their fame, and many who did.

Both of you are partially right but also partially wrong- I believe with perseverance you can achieve great things but, on the contrary, the rich and connected will always get there first, and always get the best of it without having to lift a finger.

Some of the things you've said, Chen, I'd like to see you tell a starving child without a home or a woman in Taliban territory. And River, I'd like to see you tell Sir Alan Sugar or Usain Bolt that perseverance doesn't matter (however Sir Alan Sugar did get to where he is without education, aka one of the biggest business men in the world).
Reply
:icondesinent-river:
Desinent-River Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
"The only thing a rich man wants is to stay rich" this is true because it isn't an ideal world

Rich people here don't mind giving money to those who they know can never start their own business and never overthrow their own ie. children of 3rd world countries

For this reason the only effect "education for all/uni for all/whatever" has had is lowered wages due to oversupply. Fools we were for believing they had our own country's interests at heart

My point is, I would love to believe that hard work and perserverance pays off for anyone willing to get off their arse and do something (I partially do despite knowing in my heart I'm wrong or else) but what happens in real life tells a completely different story
Reply
:iconkanjiqueen21:
kanjiqueen21 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I must say, I read the acrostic as wanting to keep someone to themselves, you know, in a loving (but possessive!) way? So I guess it could be read as love/hate :) (But my idea of love etc is very weird haha!)
Reply
:icononlyoliveoil:
OnlyOliveOil Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
the first line reminds me of how Loki talks XD great job!
Reply
:iconvane-ve:
vane-ve Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Artist
:love::love::love:
Reply
:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I keep thinking it's funny the way several people are trying to correct you on the spelling of judgement.
I know it can be spelt both ways, but once again it depends on your nationality. I spell it with two 'e's and I don't plan on stopping.
Reply
:iconribbo:
Ribbo Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
The language you are speaking is called English. So I am pretty sure England get the final say on what is "right" in their language. :)
In all seriousness Americans don't get to say their version is correct since it's not even their language.
Reply
:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Actually, 'English' is now a lot like 'Japanese'. There are multiple forms of it.
I know it's an exaggeration, since there are several forms of Japanese.
However, there is now the English: United Kingdom and English: United States of America.

I know I'm speaking English. I am a Briton.
Reply
:iconribbo:
Ribbo Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
My point is still valid so I am not sure as to why you replied because it certainly didn't refute it.

All you did was agree with me that judgement was a completely valid spelling (and the spelling with the greatest claim to being correct) and it was wrong to claim otherwise.
Reply
:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Because you were being condescending - I'm not a five year old, I don't need to have everything written out in bold print for me.
Reply
:iconitsziqian:
itsZiqian Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
this is so amazingkcidoskdbhs <3
Reply
:iconcolor-sekai:
color-sekai Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Digital Artist
very interesting.
Reply
:icondonttuchme:
donttuchme Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Very good. i like hurror so this goes pretty will that ill like a few of them so anyways this is really good and i will fav it next time im on
Reply
:iconticlo7:
ticlo7 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Very interesting, I really like poems that are open to interpretation like this! I also like the language used, it gives it an almost formal court-like feeling to it.
Very nice! (And I just noticed the 'You are mine' from the first letters. It's almost frightening!)

I thought it was always 'judgement'. 'Judgment' just isn't right, it needs an 'e'! Bloody Americans... :P
Reply
:icon98moonlight:
98moonlight Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Why do I find kind of true? ._. Great poem though! :)
Reply
:iconofrealmnine:
OfRealmNine Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Digital Artist
NU! Satan, I am not yours!
D:
This was slightly unsettling, but it kind of reminds me of these 'friends' who are now strangers to me. :u
I got my revenge, don't worry. ;3
Reply
:iconacousticrose:
AcousticRose Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
loved the second line :) plus it demands to have emotion put into the reading, it's a poem where a normal tone of voice just won't suffice! :D
Reply
:iconjoybug:
Joybug Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
I know this person, and I was this person, perhaps I still am. Knowing this though, I still choose to believe in myself. I have the potential of my youth and the wisdom of hindsight to help me catch up and do my part.
Reply
:iconnonolemog:
NonoLeMog Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
That's beautiful ! Since English isn't my native language, I can't give you a detailed feedback like you deserve it (albeit I would probably just develop how much this struck me), but your words really talk to the heart and guts...
Reply
:icondisturbinggreen:
DisturbingGreen Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
True D:
Reply
:iconskullkidgirl44:
skullkidgirl44 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
it says:You Are Mine
Reply
:iconsutsuki-sensei:
Sutsuki-Sensei Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012
Very interesting piece Captain. And the final judgement with the first letters of each line is very cool. lol
Reply
:icondrowningsignificance:
DrowningSignificance Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Cool :)
Reply
:icongeobukseon:
Geobukseon Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Student Writer
OMG. That just made me... blow... my... mind.

Excellent job. Please. Write. More. OFTEN.
Reply
:iconrs-is-borked:
RS-is-borked Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012
Judgment is spelled wrong.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Professional Writer
[link]

I beg to differ ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconribbo:
Ribbo Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012
funny how he doesn't apologise after you point it out :)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Professional Writer
Oh it's quite alright, I allow everyone to exit with dignity ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconarg3ntate:
Arg3ntate Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I got chills when I read the first letters of each line! awesome work.
Reply
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July 6, 2012
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