Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Journey to Valhalla:

The sound of battle surrounds me
As axe and sword will clash.
The fate of a man decided
In a single metal flash.

On the ground I lay awakened
For the blood is rushing low.
It bursts from my wound
In a searing bloody flow...

I scream like a raging animal
As with the last of strength I thrust!
My sword will pierce his lung
As my enemy turns to dust...

A ruined body before me
Cold as the winter snow.
I begin to feel quite dizzy
As the heavens start to glow.

I can hear the sound of horses
And the cry of hungry crows.
The clouds began to part
As from the ground we rose!

Like warriors from the grave
We stood from where we fell.
Warm as though we bathed
In an ancient seer's spell.

I can see him coming now
Sleipnir has arrived!

He's come to take us home
The valiant dead who died.

The valkyries riding through the clouds
On the backs of crows they call.
The gods themselves are smiling
As mountains they are tall!

These tears cannot express
The words we wish to say.
For now we are Einherjar
Until the end of days.

To feast in the halls of glory
Until Ragnarok arrives.
We are the worthy fallen
In the Allfather's eyes.

"Never have I dreamed, of a more glorious day..."

-Chen Yuan Wen, 5th April 2012
AUTHOR'S COMMENT:

Arrr...TODAY, VALHALLA WEEK BEGINS!

As always, this is the warm-up piece. Tomorrow we start to go deeper into norse mythology ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

OTHER POEMS BY ME:

Little Flower Girl - [link]
Bringer of the Night - [link]
White Lily Girl - [link]
The Sanguinary Offering - [link]
The Legendary Thunder Wolf - [link]
The Traitorous Greyback - [link]


OTHER LITERATURE BY ME:

SANGUINE Chapter 1 - 1 - [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlauras45:
LauraS45 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012
this is amazing. you captured the seen of a Viking battle wondrously
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Professional Writer
Haha, thank you for enjoying this piece, even though it's quite old ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondarnell-saki:
Darnell-Saki Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Professional Writer
This is just awesome, I'm glad I took the time to read it. Thanks.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks for reading my work ^^ I hope you come back some time to read more

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. I'm so sorry for the ultra late reply like 2 months late xD. This happens to me from time to time .___. :iconorzplz:
Reply
:iconangelaleonetti:
AngelaLeonetti Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
:icon6awtplz::icon7awtplz:
Only 10 members a month are picked from all our members to be featured. Your images will go into our Feature Folder and be on our main page all month as well as be part of our First Friday Feature.

This image has been picked for our First Friday Feature go here to see the [link]


:iconartworldtoday: would like to congratulate you!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you very much for the honour of being featured ^^. I'm very glad to be picked and am truly very thankful. This means alot to me =D

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconangelaleonetti:
AngelaLeonetti Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Your welcome! :-) We are honoured to have you in the group.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Professional Writer
Aye, but the honour is all mine my fair lady, without the support of large groups my work would be nowhere ;3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconangelaleonetti:
AngelaLeonetti Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
That is the goal I had when starting Art World Today is to get artist noticed :-)
I sure hope it is helping people get some notice! There are so many amazing artists! I really wish I was a better writer, and better with my grammar. I am not much of a reader either :-(

I would like to do more with the group to high light writers just it isn't my biggest strength. So if you have any idea's please share them with me.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Well personally getting featured anywhere is a good thing. DA isn't about catapulting writers to fame and I believe every artist should work hard for what they believe in ^^

That said, what you are doing is more than enough because if you do anymore than that, it might be seen as bias toward artists that you appear to favour (of course I know that isn't the case, but the average individual thinks in an average way) :3

In any case, writers have to do their best to make themselves known and I don't believe that writers should get handicaps since we already receive a HUGE handicap in terms of view count. Most art requires 20,000 - 30,000 to get front page. Writing can make it with about 2000 - 3000. That's a massive handicap and for that reason, I think that every writer should do their best and work their hardest.

Right now, my goal is to get on the front page with every single post I make and I'm slowly creeping closer to that, but the emergence of strong (and younger) writers can sometimes put a real dampener on progress, but by my 4th month on DA I do intend to have a market large enough to start selling copies of my self-published poetry book which is currently in the works as my uncle's team designs the format and cover art :3

Talent is but a small booster, hard work is what will win the day ^^

I think you do plenty as it is (is the main point of what I was trying to say)

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconangelaleonetti:
AngelaLeonetti Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow thank you for the info I had know idea about the numbers required for front page that is very interesting. You will have to let us know if and when you get published. How hard is it to become self-published? I have a friend I went to school with that has published 2 books and I have always wondered how one would go about that. I have thought it might be fun to take some pictures and do a small child's book with them.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Well publishing is one thing. Anyone can get published. Although it might sound very corporate. Sales and profit are what really matters. Most people don't take this into account.

Commercial publishing (sending in manuscripts and waiting for a publisher to take you) is one route, but I don't recommend that unless you're talented to the point you can write an epic story like the hunger games. It's a one in a million chance.

Self-publishing is via sites like lulu and amazon, in which case you need to take care of marketing, advertising and everything else on your own.

Hence I will certainly let you know when I get self-published (since I don't mind doing all the advertising everything which I'm doing through DA) and you could follow my progress if you keep up with my journal from time to time.

Basically, I could succeed big time or fail horribly. Time will tell, but if it does work I intend to establish a company once my record is solid and credible to assist other writers and artists in producing low-cost, high quality entertainment to satisfy both their needs for profit and the needs of the people for cheaper entertainment that isn't like $25 dollars for a book that most people won't finish reading.

Sadly, literature is out of fashion so we need to change, adapt and get back in the game. That's how I view it :3. Of course I am a business student as I think I mentioned ^^;

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontwilightlinkjh:
twilightlinkjh Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
AWESOME me hartie, ye de finest capin of the seven seas, ye are, with an hart of gold hehe:D This here poem is a chest full of knowledge, happy a venturing hehehe:D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Professional Writer
Bwahaha, thank ye so kindly fer tha compliment ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icontwilightlinkjh:
twilightlinkjh Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
me pleasure, me fine capin ye are hehe:D hope ye and ya fellow crew matsies have a lovely day hahaha, hehe:D
Reply
:iconh-a-cooke:
H-A-Cooke Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello again, WordofChen!

I will start by saying: I am happy to see someone representing Scandinavian heritage and mythology. There aren't many people who are interested in capturing the pre-Christian world of Lapland, Greenland, Iceland, Finland and Sweden.

You have a clear grasp of the mythology, which gives the speaker of Journey to Valhalla a strong voice and separate personality from you, the poet.

That being said the following comments are based upon dA's five criteria for critique. I give the ratings for each section out of 5 - as in 5 stars.

Vision: 5/5

As I said before, you have a firm grasp of the mythology your piece is derived from. You have given strong sensory details: sounds, sights, smells, tastes and touches that the Speaker of the piece is experiencing. This really helps the reader get into the mind of the Speaker and offers a respite from the modern day world.

Originality: 5/5

Despite the adaptation of many retold myths, you have managed to give Valhalla, Odin, the Valkyries, and the Victorious Dead a new perspective through the focus of the poem's Speaker. You have manged to get across the most important qualities expected of a Scandinavian in the pre-Christian world: strength, honor, courage. The focus on one Speaker, who is addressing his situation as a whole really gives a strong backbone to the piece.

Technique: 4/5

There are specific lines and some structure weaknesses I noticed while I was reading. I have pinpointed which lines stuck out to me, and am just giving advice that I think may help you see the poem from a new perspective.

1. Line 8 and Line 12

The lines are quoted below, so you can see them as individual parts of the whole.

8: "In a searing bloody flow..."

12: "As my enemy turns to dust..."

The only suggestion I have is: Consider the punctuation you are using and how the punctuation is intended to function.

In this case you have used an Ellipses [...] to end these lines. Ellipses function in two ways: 1. Suggest an interruption in though or speech or 2. Indicate that thought, words, or text has been lost.

I would suggest taking out the Ellipses, since they trip up the reader. Either change it to a Period or try not using punctuation to End Stop the line. This will increase the flow of thought allowing your readers to get the full effect of the blood and bodies being turned to dust, instead of tripping them up by insinuating that there are some thoughts or words that aren't being shared with them.

2. Lines 19 and 20

"The clouds began to part
As from the ground we rose!"

These line stuck out to me because the tense seems to change. I can understand why this would be the case, as soldiers who train for Ragnorak in Valhalla are the "living dead." They fight, die, and revive every day. However, the change in tense really threw me off and caught my attention.

Another way you could signal a change, from thinking in past tense to moving to present is to use an Off Rhyme. Previously you have been using Direct A/B/A/B, C/D/C/D. These lines would benefit from an Off or Indirect rhyme.

My suggestion for revision is:

"The clouds begin to part
As from the ground we rise!"

3. Line 29

"The valkyries riding through the clouds"

In poetry, it helps to think about line length. And, in terms of the visual effect of your piece this is the longest line. It is also the line with the most words, and it seems a little cluttered. The affect on your poem is to slow down the flow. I would suggest omitting a few words and focusing on the valkyries.

Revisions Suggestion:

Valkyries soar through clouds

Paired with line 30 it would read:

"Valkyries soar through clouds
on the backs of crows they call."

4. Line 41

"Never have I dreamed, of a more glorious day..."

I feel this line would work well as an epigram at the top of the poem. Is this a quote from a text? Even if it isn't it would work better as a starting point to jolt the reader's mind into the rest of the piece. As the last line, it loses its power and takes away the strength given to the rest of the piece.

If you were to put it at the top of the piece it would look like this (if it were a manuscript page):

Journey to Valhalla
"Never have I dreamed, of a more glorious day..." - [Author/Person Who Said This]

Also, including the comma forms a comma splice, in terms of being correct with grammar and punctuation. However, if it is a direct quote from another piece or a translation that can't be helped.

Impact: 5/5

Honestly, your poem has stuck with me for the last five days. I put it in my favorites about five days ago, because it caught my attention and I wanted to comment on it in more depth.

I hope this was helpful! And I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. (Also, if you feel like it (although we work in different forms) I've got some poetry in my gallery folder - with questions posed in the Author's Description. I'd love to hear some feedback).
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Professional Writer
Sure, if you'd like reviews (I don't post long ones but I do help review work) just link me to the pieces you want reviewed (you can ask for up to 3, but only poetry and no prose xD).

I also thank ye very kindly fer the critique. I will try to take it into account when I revisit another norse theme. However, I struggled with mythology because my grasp is not as solid as you think and though I am familiar with the Einherjar(sp?) and Ragnarok, I am also lacking in other areas so I'll try and polish up and write my own style :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconh-a-cooke:
H-A-Cooke Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
If you would like more background I suggest trying to find an English translation of the Prose Edda and the Poetic Edda, which are the "original" transcripts for Norse mythology.

Despite you not having the background I thought you did you did a wonderful job presenting the material correctly.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so kindly. I hope that later on I will do a good job, I decided I'd rather leave the old myths untouched and try to create new ones. There's just no way to express how great the original mythology is ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. I'm clearing old messages, I sincerely apologise for taking so long to reply =__=. I've been absolutely busy :/
Reply
:iconh-a-cooke:
H-A-Cooke Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Actually, you did grasp the meaning of Valhalla! You got the details correct and really gave the Speaker of the piece his own voice. I think you should at least keep 'Journey to Valhalla' up, because it has a lot of good qualities.

I would suggest, for your journey through myth, to start with an English translation of the Prose Edda and Prose Etta (I believe that is what they are called) to get the full legends.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Professional Writer
Yep I will read them, but I will probably not try to outdo them is what I mean. Journey to Valhalla will ALWAYS exist, so will fury of the frost giants (as a bonus), but I wanted to focus in future more on my own mythology of the space vikings and the future journeys through space but still keeping keeping true to the inclusion of the norse pantheon :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconh-a-cooke:
H-A-Cooke Featured By Owner May 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That sounds really facinating. I wish you luck!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you my dear friend ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry about the slow reply, messages are piled high T^T
Reply
:iconnicholas-landon:
Nicholas-Landon Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student Writer
I will admit, when I read the stanza I instantly began to hear Ride of the Valkyries. The poem was very good at portraying the joy and relief of the fallen warriors going to Valhalla. Well done. =D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Bwahaha, really? Wow!

Thank ye fer readin' and enjoyin' me works, it makes this all worth while xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconnicholas-landon:
Nicholas-Landon Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Student Writer
No problem at all, sir. =D It was my pleasure.
Reply
:icontheemeraldmasquerade:
TheEmeraldMasquerade Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love norse mythologie and I love your poems, so I feel I'm going to particularly like your "valhalla week" ^^
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr thank ye, glad ye will be enjoyin' the week then ;3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icontheemeraldmasquerade:
TheEmeraldMasquerade Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)
Your week had come at the right (don't know if you say it like this but I think you'll understand ;) )since I'm making stuff related to norse mythology. ^^
Reply
:iconiambadatdrawing:
Iambadatdrawing Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Awesome! I made a Poem about Norse Beserkrs myself. Always glad to see a kindred spirit, even if their poems are better than mine. :P
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr I see xD. However I don't strictly write on one topic. Valhalla was simply the theme of that week :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconiambadatdrawing:
Iambadatdrawing Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012
Theme of the week, good idea. I kind of just go with whatever is floating my proverbial pirate boat/ship at the moment



-Gentleman who is terrible at drawing.
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello, you have been featured in my weekly dA love for everyone! article.
Have a nice day :huggle:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Aye thank ye :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem, you're welcome :huggle:
Reply
:iconshiatanni:
Shiatanni Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012
Hey, captain, do you know anything about greek or roman mythology?

Love the poem!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr I know them both but I don't think I'll be attempting mythology again until I'm ready :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconshiatanni:
Shiatanni Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Oh really?

Pop quiz
What's the name of the Roman and/or Greek king of the Gods, captain?

;)
Reply
:iconcrysanthemum963:
crysanthemum963 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
This is cool!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr thank ye very much. I'm glad ye enjoyed my work and I hope ye enjoy some of my other releases too ;3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconcrysanthemum963:
crysanthemum963 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Sure thing :3
Reply
:iconarachelle905:
arachelle905 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oooh. Shiny! I like Norse mythology, so this is quite interesting to me. Well done!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr thank ye very much fer enjoying me works :3

I hope ye enjoy the rest of me releases too ;3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconflyaway-555:
FlyAway-555 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Amazing! You get better every time!
But what does Valhalla mean again?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr thank ye Emma. Valhalla is the norse heaven :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconflyaway-555:
FlyAway-555 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Cool! Thanks!
Reply
:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012
Well you just arrived in Valhalla ... Thor was banished to Midgard and <-- this tells how he feels about the banishment :P

hope you enjoy !
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Arrr haha, good job my friend ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012
Hehe thanks :D I try :D
Reply
:iconpixelpixelgirl:
PixelPixelGirl Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
WoW! nice Poems!! :clap:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconwordofchen: More from WordOfChen


Featured in Collections

wordofchen by MatthewsLeoRose

Journals, Poems and etc. by SnowDream2634

New poems by BrutalBone


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 5, 2012
File Size
1.6 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
5,687 (1 today)
Favourites
233 (who?)
Comments
205
×