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Immortal Butterfly:

I remember the Immortal Butterfly
Translucent wings that drank from the sky
Glittering dust would fall with every flap
Like warm tears dripped upon my tiny back

I would always chase this butterfly
as it makes its way across the sky
When I look I feel as though I can forget
The painful needles that twist into my back

I would always dream of this butterfly
and I wonder if I could ride it and fly in the sky
When I dream about it, I don't regret
Not being able to leave this tiny bed

Sometimes I can't see the butterfly
My vision turns grey like a stormy sky
I get scared during those times, because it makes me think
Of how everything could fade, before my eyes can blink

I remember when you first brought me this butterfly
You said you plucked it right out of the sky
Did you know it was the first thing that made me smile?
I'll tell you that story, so let me rest awhile...

I love...this little butterfly
It gave me dreams...of a beautiful sky
Although it was something... that I could never see
I thank you...for sharing...this gift with me...


-Chen Yuan Wen, 7th September 2012
Fave if you enjoyed, thanks...

Author's Comment:

Note to self Chen...

Falling asleep in the afternoon on account of heavy flu medication...makes you remember all kinds of shit that you ought to forget.

Can't touch cigarettes, don't drink alcohol, so what the hell should I do? Ah well, whatever >_>

I'll do up bounties and stuff tomorrow, sorry.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

Other Poems by Me:
You're The Drug That Keeps Me You're the Drug That Keeps Me:

You've got me twisting on the edge
and I beg to stay...
I know I should quit
but I can't walk away...
You're the drug that keeps me whole
when I'm feeling cold
When I'm feeling cold
You've got me in your hold!

EVERYTIME I WALK YOU BRING ME RIGHT BACK HERE
A HUNDRED TIMES OR MORE IT'S GETTING REALLY UNCLEAR
DO YOU LIKE TO FUCK WITH ALL MY HOPES AND INNER FEAR
OR MAYBE CUT ME DOWN SO YOU KNOW THAT I'LL KEEP YOU NEAR?

A hundred times, a hundred pages
twelve different masks and a thousand stages
You've got me beggin' for more
out in the rain at your door
I'm not a man, I'm just your little whore

A
Oh No I Know A Dirty Word Oh No I Know A Dirty Word:

Oh me, oh my, these are dirty words
How low-class, vulgar and simply absurd
You must be a thug, you've no sense of style
Let me sip some tea that was made erstwhile

I shall proceed to comment about who you are
and pointlessly engage you in a mental spar
I must prove my point to be whole you see
for the protection of the word is a duty to me

See I love to pretend that I'm someone pure
Never dirtied a sentence or darkened a door
It's like I'm holy and utterly clean
So don't take my tone as being mean

I'm simply trying to help you right?
Let me show you how to be a snob on sight
Never use the language me
Can I Cut Yet? Can I Cut Yet?:

Hey, Hey Sadako
Hey...
I really want to cut something
can I, can I please?
This girl is talking to me, she seems rather nice
The colour of her eyes makes me think of fucking lice
I want to cut her, I want to cut her so bad!
but that seems to make Sadako really sad...
Okay, I guess I won't cut her

Hey, Hey Sadako
This teacher is really boring
I want to cut him, I WANT TO CUT HIM SO BAD!
I'm in class now, Sadako stands beside me
She points out a mistake I made in my notes
I start tearing at the paper while grinding my teeth
I want to show them my frustration, OH SO BAD!
but that seems to make Sadako really sad..


Other Literature by Me:
Mercenary 1-1 MERCENARY

Chapter 1: Blood is Beauty

Release One: Pages 1 - 3

THE COLD AIR in Baron Rorke's study did little to calm his nerves. He was expecting visitors this night and they were not the best of company. A shiver of dread ran down his spine and he spent most of the twilight hours staring out of a large window which stood behind his writing desk. It was amazing, he felt, how quickly a man could become attached to a life of luxury; only to be made painfully aware of how easy it was to lose it. War was always a frightening thing, even more so when one had the knowledge and sense to realise that it was no longer an exercise of glory, but a si
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthefs:
I really liked it, some of the imagery is really nice, and clear. The ending is especially beautiful, how to leads the reader to think its the end, maybe of the butterflies life? Or is it just sleeping?

The repetition of the Butterfly and Sky is also nice. At first I thought it was a bit annoying, but afterwards, I sort of feel like it represents the constant beating of the butterflies wings - which was clever.

There's a conflict of tense here I think:
I would always chase this butterfly
as it makes(d) its way across the sky

It's always hard for poems to have a rhyme that doesnt feel forced, and I dont know if you're quite there. Plus, the rhyme of AABB isn't followed all the way through, and I'm not sure why.

If I was going to say anything about it that would make it better, I would say, try and think more creatively about the rhyme. And maybe in a few places, try and edit the flow of the line to make it sit easier if you were reading it out.

Other than that, it's a fantastic idea and well thought out - I haven't seen many (if any!) poems that end so beautifully.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconnaeomifaerim:
NaeomiFaerim Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you have such talent! I am Astounded by how beautifully written these are! You should write a book!
Reply
:iconnykiilynn:
NykiiLynn Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this is beautiful.
Reply
:iconblcobra22:
BLCobra22 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student General Artist
:iconcriesplz:
So beauiful
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Me thanks fer enjoying it :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconblcobra22:
BLCobra22 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks for writing these ^^
Reply
:icono0sheep0o:
o0SHeeP0o Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
ARRRGH you made me cry TAT (i usually don't, and i don't know the reason for this one)
Reply
:iconsketchevrywir:
Sketchevrywir Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012
it's so beautiful...
Reply
:iconhourglassoflosttime:
HourglassOfLostTime Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
I love how the first stanza grabs your in! Amazing stanza, beautiful poem ^_^
Reply
:iconchiaroscuro24176:
chiaroscuro24176 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012
Its a beautiful poem
Reply
:icontwiunderseeker:
TwiUnderSeeker Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012
Beautiful. Great Job.
Reply
:iconghastlydarkworld:
Ghastlydarkworld Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012   Writer
Simply stunning :)
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm, is he butterfly a special girl? Excuse me if I didn't understand correctly. It's just a presumprion. The images you strived to create are warm and beautiful.However, I think that you need to practice the use of techniques. For example "Sometimes I can't see the butterfly
My vision turns grey like a stormy sky" - the "sometimes" doesn't sound right. But it's ok if English is not your native language.
Oh hell, I am not writing a critique, just a comment :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Professional Writer
Uh...english is my native language mate ^^; Aren't you from Bulgaria xD.

Sometimes is correctly used in that particular line, because as denoted by the capitalisation of the line that follows, those two are taken separately. If you read them together, of course you will feel a jerk xD. You'll notice some lines aren't capitalised, those are designed to flow together. If a line is complete on its own, the natural pause comes afterward ^^

Hope this helps :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes I am ;D
Never said it is MY native language :D
Yeah, I guess you are right with the capitalisation stuff ;3
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Professional Writer
Bwahaha :3 Then we're all set buddy xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconcrazydragon111:
crazydragon111 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Beutiful!
Reply
:iconprecious15:
precious15 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome work you have here my friend!!!
The last few lines were some of the best that I have ever read
Reply
:iconfollowintheblackbird:
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful
Reply
:iconkrusnik03:
Krusnik03 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awwww ;-; so beautiful.
Reply
:iconsutsuki-sensei:
Sutsuki-Sensei Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Memories, even the thing that we want to forget, are what makes us who we are. So try not to be too sad that you remembered them, alright? Because you turned those into a beautiful poem that is simply a magnificent piece.

Get better soon Captain.
Reply
:icondaxyjackson:
DaxyJackson Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is very beautiful. I enjoy the repitition of the rhyme of "butterfly" and "sky" throughout the poem. I don't see anything that you could improve upon, but that doesn't mean it's not there; it just means I haven't seen it. :)

I enjoyed this, and I'm adding it to my favorites. I absolutely adore butterflies, and that's really what brought me to this. ;)
Reply
:iconbluedarkangelwings:
BlueDarkAngelWings Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Wow!!!
How do you come up with such awesome literature?
Reply
:iconxsavor:
Xsavor Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love it so much. Beautiful <3
Reply
:iconcopperfrost:
Copperfrost Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student General Artist
So sad :(
Reply
:iconyagamiseven:
Yagamiseven Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
this is good
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student Writer
This reminds me of a poem called "Yellow Butterfly" written by a 14 year old that passed in the Holocaust... This poem is powerful, and your choices of words are nice!
Reply
:iconmissmiku-chanx:
missMiku-chanX Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student
Simply breath-taking...
Reply
:iconzephyras-lied:
Zephyras-Lied Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Beautiful as always, the imagery was amazing. Keep up the great work, and I hope you get better!
Reply
:iconbrit-an-stuff:
brit-an-stuff Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
very beautiful. when i read the title i thought of the butterfly project. but its entierly diffrent. stiil, good job. :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconno1assassin:
No1Assassin Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nice work! XD
Reply
:iconmasabb94:
masabb94 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
This is a very beautiful poem, the way the butterfly is described is amazing :)
Reply
:iconaugumon05:
augumon05 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
simply beautiful wording.
Reply
:iconreflectionsinwater:
reflectionsinwater Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The last few lines are incredibly touching and beautiful of something that will last beyond death :)
Reply
:icon20tourniquet02:
20Tourniquet02 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Amazing poetry from our captain once again!:)
Very touching!:)
Reply
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