What's Left Behind...Some days I find myself staggering from this hovel;To stand with shaking legs upon the window ledge.I look down at the tiny world below, wind rushing before me;And I wonder if I'll be able to fly tonight...The caress of the wind, so gentle upon my skin.One step, one leap and I'd dip myself into the eye of the storm.But just before my courage sends me;Just before I take the final plunge.I find myself looking back, at the world I'd leave behind...Stacks of paper and a pot of ink,Reams of stories too precious to burn.Ideas and fears both rolled into one;And pages of poetry left undone...It always leaves me smiling...For these were the treasures so close to my heart.They are the wealth of my mind; my soul, my art.And I could never ever leave them be,Where another might burn them, without thinking of me..."Apologies father, I cannot join you yet:For in this world, a treasure still exists.A treasure tha
Living With A LieYou sit there shaking; emotionally frozen.You check the time on your watch, despite knowing it already.The ever-present numbness, the cold feeling which clutches at your soul;That is what you feel upon the dawn of the lie.To know its nature, to know its being;To have it spill upon your awareness.What words would surmise such a bitter feeling:Betrayal, grief? Perhaps the use of dejection, p
Are We Not Free?Are We Not Free?:Ye say that nothin' changes;That all we're tryin' t' do is fer naught.Ye say that nothing's wrong,That we should be acceptin' of our fate.But why should we simply accept things as they are?Are we no' a free people?Are we no' allowed t' speak our minds?Every man, every woman in this land,Has the freedom t' choose their own path.If our ideals must beg us differ,Then that too is a part of the change that grips us.What exactly do ye have t' fear?If yer stoic in ye ideal that nothin' will ever change.Why not simply ignore us;A passin' flight o' fancy that we are...Yet still ye try, ye attempt t' change our minds.Ye pacify us with the notion of acceptance,Highlightin' the fact that the world is fine.Ye say that this is the way that things should be!That m'friend, is yer personal freedom;I'll not impinge upon it, fer it be yours.I only ask, if ye could kindly mind,Not to treat us, like we're bleedin' blind...-Chen Yuan Wen, 18th July 2013
Lie to MeThere are those who stare into the water's edge.Gleaming eyes fixed upon their reflections.I am beautiful! they say to themselves,And all of you must accept that as true!To say otherwise would be a social suicide.Their friends will defend them to the bitterest end.In a circle of illusions cast by the group,You are forced to accept this person as 'pretty'.Sorry...To me you are not beautiful, you are simply lazy.You have done nothing for yourself,And now you wish me to accept you?Sorry...But I must tell you the truth.And though that truth may wound you,I believe it is for the best:Because girl, dayum! You just look so bad that my eyes are cryin' YOU a river.- Chen Yuan Wen, 11th August 2013
What Are You To Me?What Are You To Me?:I have walked in this world,And they have told me of kings.Of brave rulers who make the tough choices,Men of example and outstanding character.But it was then that they said,What is a king to a God?What is a mere mortal to a higher power,One who holds our fate in his hands?They said he was benevolent and kind,Wrathful and jealous, magnanimous and selfish alike.He was the perfect ideal, embodying all thingsAnd we were made in his image...It was then that I was laughed at,By he who asked this question:What is a God, to a non-believer?One who lives by the truth he sees...He is the man who acts as per his morals.He lives through his eyes and is judged by his fellows.He submits to no higher being, not a one does he fear;Comfortable with his own conscience...But all three, I beg; I ask ye this:For what is a king to a God,A God to a non-believer,And all three of them in comparison,To the madman who watches the world burn..."I
DesperationI wonder how many days you've spent feeling lost.Thinking that you're going somewhere.Never actually getting anywhere.You look at the same four walls over and over again.You can paint them in different colours,But you know they're still the same.And you convince yourself that you're making progress,Nothing's changed, but you're making progress.Things are getting worse, but you're making progress.And then you wake up and realise,That shit has hit the fan...Suddenly you're forced to do the things you couldn't,The kind of things that you were never comfortable with.And you find out you can do them.You find out that the only reason you couldn't,Was because you were afraid to try.It's hard - trying to take that first step.It's hard - trying to convince yourself to take that chance.But
Dear Father I Loved You, But...Dear Father, I loved you,But this truth I shall say.That you were the demon, that made me this way!And though I am hiding,It's hard when it's lurking beneath:This anger and hatred,It's all I believe.So don't speak or I'll hurt you,I'm sorry, I'm sorry,But you are the ending,Of this broken story.So tell me, dear Father,What can you say,To boy whom you twisted;When you pushed him away.
Song of RaineShe scatters the seeds with her tiny hands.And pictures the sunset in a distant land.She dreams of places, where she'd be free.With clouds as far as the eyes could see.And there she'd dance to the song of the rain,While I would watch from my window pane.With a smile befitting such a lovely girl;The daughter I lost, to a cruel world...
I Am The Mighty!I Am The Mighty:I remember this tale, from a time of brutality; from whence I would have gladly murdered a soul. For the fragile seek to transcend their pain, but ever are they poisoned by it.This man I remember had called himself ‘Mighty’ and I watched from the stands as he delivered his speech. “You are the fools!” he cried to the audience, “for even as you mock me, I am whole. Through tragedies I've suffered, through pain I persevered. I am a greater man and your words may never hurt me.”Fool, is what I thought, for he seemed to take pride in this display. The crowd cheered him on, patting him on the back, but to me he lacked conviction. For I saw through the sham in his boast and I knew that his demons would haunt him again. This time a little earlier than needed.“Yes my friends, I am a damaged man. I have been broken before and my spirit shattered,” he continued to ramble, as I drew close to him.
Love Beyond the WindowWhen I was young, I believed in fairy tales.I believed that if your heart willed it,That love could overcome anything.That one day, two lovers could always be together.But those were simple lies I think...After all, how does one reach across a window;Reach across a screen...To hold someone on the other side,Before they slip through your fingers.Like a lonely dance between air and water,I can only stand on the surface of the lake,And see her smiling on the other side....Sometimes, I would draw pictures on the surface;These thin useless arms of mine scrawling tiny doodles,And she would smile and reply to each one:Including a heart, for 'I love you'...And each time I would feel,As though I could soar through any distance,As though I could run a hundred miles.If only so I could see you;If only because I missed you...But enough I say...Enough of this life
You've suffered enough...My dearest child, do not weep, for I am here to wipe your tears away. Come, let us be free of these blankets; let us walk from these dim halls. There lies what once was your body, fevered and eaten by disease. Your lips are cracked and bleeding, your arms are both thin and sallow. Do not fear them now, for they are long passed. Come away now, for we must say your final goodbyes. Here to the mother and father that came to your bedside each day. Here to the brother, who shall honour your name. Do not be jealous of them, my dearest child. For you are simply moving ahead; you have not fallen behind. “But why, why does it hurt so much?” Why? Because the memories are still carried within you. Your attachments are still strong in this world. That which you didn’t achieve, that which you haven’t done. All of it is carried as chains upon your body and they will stop you from
Sweet SerenityI have searched the very depths of my being,Seeking the essence of the void...To understand its nature,To become a part of nothing...For where else can we be free of turmoil,Where else can a beaten soul go to rest?If not in the comforting embrace of eternal oblivion?...Such is what I seek, away from the noise that burns at my ears.Away from the many voices that drill into my mind.For these are not the whispers of psychosis,Nor the delusions of a twisted psyche.Instead they are the whispers that are heard all around us;The whispers of the every-man.He who desires the body of another.He who desires the fat of his wallet.He who cares only for self-satisfactionAnd He who wishes to stand above all.Voices, voices, noisy voices...Eternally spitting their foul words into me.Even in the realm of fantasy I can no longer escape!For they are here, and I read their words scrawled across th
We Were SoldiersYou'll never hear me say that there's glory in war.It is ugly, it is painful, it is frightening...But I know, in my heart;Deep within this soul born of freedom.That what I do, at times, is a necessity.It is nerve-wracking, most days,Knowing that when you wake up you may not make it home.But still I am proud, Because of what I have managed to achieve.And tonight; I hope that you're proud of me,Because I'm sending a hundred of my boys home.I just wish that I was joining them this time...
Tin ManAmongst the raindrops, pattering upon my silvered skin.I wait in silence, though you never speak.Once you would have chided me,Screaming that it was cold!Demanding with slaps and shrieks that I shelter you;Always until the rain had stopped.It makes me wonder if I have failed a command,Or perhaps if you've finally cast me aside...I made so many mistakes,I was always doing wrong.It wouldn't surprise me if you had me replaced!Yet logic alone denies the thought,For you are still here - simply silent.You've been lying there for days, my dearest master,It is beginning to make me swell with fear...I've called your name so many times,But perhaps the maggots have eaten your ears...They drop from your nostrils and crawl from your mouth,I squash them, quickly, if they ever approach...I have thought about removing them and cleaning them away,But I'm afraid that I would damage you, if ever I tried...You are so fragile my master, like a thin sheet of
I Once Loved...She was beautiful.And twas I who loved her...I held her in these hands,Like a warm blanket,Comforting and kind.But she was a bitter poison, toxic and deadly.No antidote to her venom;I wasted away with delirious eyes.A coward they called her,And it was the truth!.But to save myself, I would have her bleed.Her heart a raw panacea;Crunched between my teeth...-Chen Yuan Wen, 22nd July 2013
The Righteous Are LiarsThe Righteous Are Liars:I find it funny, at times,In this reality, of mine.When the heroes fall and demons rise.In the fight for freedom, filled with lies.But such is the nature of the templar divine.With righteous chains, they'll keep us in line.Afraid to face the true demon he fears.He'll punishes the public, for their rightful jeers.And thus ends the "hero's" tale...-Chen Yuan Wen, 3rd November 2013
DeceptiveDeceptive:Little butterfly,Tempting with beautiful wings;Poisons quickly.-Chen Yuan Wen, 4th January 2013
The Toymaker...Ah my dear, how are you feeling?Not too uncomfortable I hope...You see, you are another,Lucky individual.A wondrous being, handpicked by me,For you are perfect.Now then,Before you start screaming,Before all that noise and unpleasantry befouls these soft red lips.I've taken the liberty of removing your tongue...Wag, wag, wag;That's all it was doing when I extracted it.Like some, infectious insectBut oh, I shouldn't raise my voice.That's not very proper of me, hehe.Now, let's put some markings on you.Mmm - I'm going to have to get rid of all this, excess.You see, I can't have a toy that's all bulging in the wrong places.Dolls are slim, dolls are pretty.So no, we can't have that...We'll just slowly slide this tiny slip of metal.Shlip, shlop, shlip, shlop - and pull!You see, you see?It comes right off, like a laye
In my head...In my head,The birds that fly above meAre the dragons of my kingdom.In my head,Cats and dogs are lions and wolves,And my fish is a sea monster.In my head,My pen is a sword,And I’m fighting witches and evil menTo find my prince charming.In my head,Butterflies spin through the airAnd fly through my bedroom windowsTo whisper things in a languageThat only I understand.In my head,There is a world other thanThese black and white dreamsAnd these faded grey skies.In my head,There is a universe.Can’t you see it, too?
Bones mend, but tell no lies.You have cataloged your scarslike your body is a library-to be read through &learned from.You think ofall the little boyswhose greedy fingersgracedyour pages.You are angry-nonecared for youproperly:foldingcreasing& breakingyour spine.They left youon a shelfto gather dust.& whyshould you everforget that?
The Right Hand Curse ReversedEverything that my right hand has ever writtenComes from the heart and mind of a boy that is cursedSo from now on I’ll learn to write with my left handIn hope not expectation that this curse will be reversedAnd then I shall sit in front of an open fireUnflinching as each flame licks closer to my faceNot close enough though so it could swallow me wholeBut just close enough so that it can have a tasteOf the beads of regret in my perspirationThat are forming and rolling down my furrowed browFrom a wildfire mind that is now out of controlCome thoughts that these damp morals fail to disallowEverything that my right hand has ever writtenMight as well have been scribed in invisible inkWith my thoughts being a vessel on a voyage of hopeAnd the weight of my memories causing it to sinkRight down to the depths of the deepest ocean floorAnd left down there to rot beneath the sea bedI thank the Lord that they’ll remain out of reachAnd that none of the words I’ve
Austenesque Therapy“Hello.”“Good afternoon. Why have you come to see me today?”“Because I had to.”“I see. So tell me... what’s bothering you.”“I lose my breath because I can’t believe that this is all I am going to be.”“What is wrong with what you are?”“I’m not loved.”“You have your friends, your family-”“Come on, you know what I mean. The devil-may-care-what-the-world-thinks, passionate, can’t-breathe-without-each-other, catch-you-when-you-fall-kind-of-love.”“Ah.”“I don’t even know how to begin to find it in this world.”“What do you mean?”“I mean I prefer living in my books. I like how that makes me feel. And then I’m just disappointed.”“And how does that make you feel?”“It makes me feel sometimes, like I am completely unreasonable to say, that in a time of smart phones
The JokeThe first joke is when they tell you to be strong for everybody else after your father leaves for the fourth time.The next joke is when they tell you to stop being sensitive when the children at school choose to hurt you for being differentstrangeodd.The wrong joke is when they tell you to be quiet after the beating your mother has given you has bloodied your face and you can't see through swelled shut eyes.The funny joke is when they tell you to shut up when you stand up against the man with lifeless eyes who tried to make you as lifeless as himself.The unaware joke is when they tell you that you should have defended yourself when three men come at you in a dark alley.The painful joke is when they tell you you should be grateful that the man who raped you didn't kill you as well.The angry joke is when they tell you that you are wrong for existing because being gaybilesbiantransexual is a sin.The ignorant joke is when they tell you to be less provocative with your man when he pu
FrostbiteNumbnessI can’t feel my toes and at first I thinkIt’s just my toes.I can cover them up.I can warm them. It spreads, like fire,Like ice.I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are coldPat –patThat’s funny, I didn’t feel thatMaybe I’ll cover them up tooI’ll warm them up. I’ll take a napMaybe a short rest will make it all better, warm themUp…What’s that? How long has it been?My legs… are you still mine..Why has my breath left me, short?Has everything but deserted me? What about you, are you still here?Are you still with me?Hello?And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –
confessions of a misguided poetcertain things in my mindwould be better left unsaid,such as:i. how I stared at a bottle of pillsfor an hour as if they would slide downmy throat on their own.ii. when I stepped out of the showerwith bloody knees and didn't botherto put a band aid over them. iii. why I can't keep a smile longenough for someone to takemy picture.iv. who I wanted to be when I wasa little girl and who I amright here and now. v. where I tried to jump off abridge and landed in waterdeep enough for me to swim in.vi. what I wanted to scream atyou that day but I just stayedsilent and hoped you would forget.no more pretty words andludicrous metaphorstoday; just life,the truth, and everythingthat I never want to tellanyone else.
I'll Just Say What's On My Mind...I’ll just say what’s on my mindFor everyone to hate.I used to cry myself to sleepAnd slice my skin with blades.I wrapped a belt around my neckIn hopes of lifelessness,And after failing even that,I remained emotionless.My mother used to cry all dayAnd my dad used to be ill.My sister attempted suicideBy swallowing the pill.My mother tried to kill herselfAnd we almost watched her fall.She swallowed gulps of whiskeyAnd she blamed me for it all.I have hallucinations,And delusions, and depressionAnd fighting my own demonsHas become a slight obsession.I’ll just say what’s on my mindFor everyone to see.This is who I am, and hey!I’m still okay with me.
Forget me notLife has become a dead weight;What is Love? When all is Hate.What once was a peaceful dream soLucid, so daring, so bold!Now but remnants of a past-to-be-forgotten, I’m told. As a child, I knew not of you,What was false, or on the other hand, trueAs eyes turn on me, cold,You alone take me in your arms and holdOn to what is left of a little girl who never made it outOf that dream to be forgotten. I thought things were foreverDare I say anything could die, for that was never.But life is a funny thing, you know?You believe so strongly in Now that when you look back..Now was only Then and then you thought things were perfectBut as it passed, your view collapses. It shatters. Like a cracked window,The view you saw, now distorted. Contorted. Deformed. Horrific. I still believe in you. Even though all that has come to past has been nothing but trueAnd true it is, true with all the evil life could doThough I look at you now, through seemingly flawless
I Can Only Sell MyselfI am but a pen,Not even a sword.I have naught but words,No skill may I afford.Truly it is sad,That it has come to this.But if you are in need of writing,Then let my words bring you bliss.So tell me, what would you have me write tonight?