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Counting All The Voices:

How many voices choose to speak; a debate within my head.

       As I lie awake, counting cracks, on the wall above my bed.

I seem to think of random colours and things you've never seen.

       But I don't like to hear the ugly voices, some are rather mean!

Though I suppose we are a loving family and thus I must accept

       That when it comes to stashing bodies, we are most adept...
 



Best of luck detective, you have three days to find her (^_^)/




-Chen Yuan Wen, 8th February 2013
Aye maties,

Just thought I'd have a little mid-day fun with mental instability. Not exactly the best time for a release but MEH! I thought this was quite funny :3

A big thank you to all who favourited my previous work 'Undying', I'll have the thank you journal done shortly :3

Also, totally unrelated, but my new book '50 Little Glasses' is in progress, support me by buying stuff O3O do eeet naaao.

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you like my work and want to support me. Come buy my e-book for $1.99. I promise an epic fantasy you won't forget:



Want to stalk me? Here are some cool links:

My Facebook Page: [link]
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Want to sell your soul to me? Join up with my pirate crew:

:iconblack-fedora-pirates:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthevoiceofcreation:
TheVoiceOfCreation Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013

I see. Well, the only way I would see a child-like eeriness to be relevant is if you gave some indication that the narrator was actually a child, unless you are trying to say that the narrator is child-like in nature- in which case, I didn't really gather that from the piece.

 

Maybe you could go into a little more detail with the piece or add a second section to it that might indicate a sort of game being played with the officers. That would give the narrator a more child-like appeal.

Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013  Professional Writer
nah, I think I'll leave it the way it is. Majority actually picked up on that child-like eerieness in the piece because childish poems always have that creepy edge to it.

If I started pointing out everything to everyone it would lose all subtlety (which some would say it didn't even have in the first place)

Don't worry about it mate :3 I like t' leave my pieces the way they are. Changing things is never me, I only seek to do differently next time. Once something is posted it is no longer on my mind xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconthevoiceofcreation:
TheVoiceOfCreation Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013
 that's okay.  I  understand.  it's not like I use every piece of criticism that comes my way either.  just what works for me :)  happy writing.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Professional Writer
Trust me, that be th' best way t' work ^^

Slow and steady, that's the key x'3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconthevoiceofcreation:
TheVoiceOfCreation Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
XD
Reply
:iconthevoiceofcreation:
TheVoiceOfCreation Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013
I almost forgot to mention, though, that I do, however, like the wit inside this piece.
Reply
:iconthevoiceofcreation:
TheVoiceOfCreation Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013
Don't know if you were looking for crits on this one, as well, but I feel as if the rhyme scheme is very simple in this. I guess there's nothing wrong with that but I feel as if someone who has "voices in their head" has more complexities to them than that, and thus deserves something more complex in a rhyme scheme at least. All your word choices are rather simple, really.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Professional Writer
Oh it's okay :3 The simplicity is designed to give a child-like eeriness to it. Seeing that as a police officer you'd wonder how deep the man's insanity goes. Or at least that was my perspective ^^

Thank you for enjoying it :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

Reply
:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
Dexter-esque :P
Reply
:iconsamikitty14:
SamiKitty14 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013
amazing as usual ^o^
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you kindly for enjoying this piece :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsamikitty14:
SamiKitty14 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Welcomez ^-^
Reply
:iconsilent-assassin21:
Silent-Assassin21 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013
I love it.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Professional Writer
My deepest thanks friend, something darker coming out tonight. Hope you'll all enjoy it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkalic00:
kalic00 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i didn't see the point at first, but then i read the stashing bodies line, and re-read it, and i was thinking "god, the captain is freaking crazy in an amazing way"
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying it, I just had a flash of inspiration for tomorrow's release. It should be quite nice ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconglassmuses:
GlassMuses Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
This is kinda random, but the voice in my head reading this to me... well, it was singing. It didn't say why.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Well I'm glad it liked it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconxxxxwolfie-fiendxxxx:
xXXxWolfie-FiendXxxX Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
If I could like comments, I would like yours! It's okay. My voices were singing to me too.

But, awesome poem. Mental instability in poems and stories are a favorite of mine, so I always get a bit giddy when I see you've something along those lines, Captain.
Reply
:iconglassmuses:
GlassMuses Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013
Thanks for the mental comment-like!
Reply
:iconxxxxwolfie-fiendxxxx:
xXXxWolfie-FiendXxxX Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:icongraveyardancing45:
graveyardancing45 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I LOVE IT
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you my friend ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
perfect. :heart:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
My deepest thanks :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Short, seemingly simple until the last line, and to the point.

I believe this depicts the instability of the mind perfectly.

I very much like it, Captain. :meow:
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Hehe, thank you ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondragonofyang:
dragonofyang Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderfully short! Love the take of mental instability! ^^
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying it :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icont-rexwithtourettes:
T-RexWithTourettes Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
That TWIST!
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Yes I enjoy twists in my poems xD Thank you for reading it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icontdog8193:
tdog8193 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Haha! I like the little twist at the end. Very good, Sir! Very good.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you very much for enjoying it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconanunfoldedpapertiger:
AnUnfoldedPaperTiger Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Writer
Now THIS is a calling card. Like something from the minds of Jack the Ripper of Professor Moryarity. A murderer's final message before claiming his next victim.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying it my dear friend ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
True except the last part yet JK! But why are there so many things i can relate to oh yeah i have issues
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Haha, glad to see you could relate friend :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yea i have lots of issues involving my head and im not afraid to admit it.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
It's cool, we've all got difficulties ^^ Hell I've got a god complex xD Not a mental problem, but a problem I suppose xD

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconkaixshadow:
KaixShadow Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have a ling list if mental problems heh. And other regular problems at school and home
Reply
:iconjamie-tigre:
Jamie-Tigre Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Filmographer
...someone should make a musical out of your work, you know, like a two act musical about you and your crew but where nearly everything is sung (like CATS meets Jekyll and Hyde)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
...that would be interesting...that would be very interesting xD

Thank you for reading and enjoying this ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconjamie-tigre:
Jamie-Tigre Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Student Filmographer
yeah, it just seems like your work has that kind of flow to it and with you being a pirate, it just seems like it would make the perfect musical

I read and enjoy most of your works ^^ there's no need to thank me
Reply
:iconserenityninja:
serenityninja Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it ^_^
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for enjoying it ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconjwolfdemon:
jwolfdemon Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Writer
its like crime and punishment. also this is a small critique but your poem caught me off guard when it stopped rhyming. this is only my opinion, but i think there should be one more line that says, "lest you find her dead." It would sound so much more pleasing to the ear and it isn't too far a stretch like some rhymes are. but really great poem man i love the rhythm and i guess that why it upset me so much when it stopped, lol :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Kahaha, well I think it stopped just at the right time. Enough to make you want more, but short enough to enjoy the read :3

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconjwolfdemon:
jwolfdemon Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Student Writer
OK cool. Anyways, this is one of my favorites by you! You're definitely right it is the perfect length :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Hehe, thanks again friend ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconangelgirlartist:
angelgirlartist Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Creepily(right word?) awesome.
Reply
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