How many voices choose to speak; a debate within my head.
As I lie awake, counting cracks, on the wall above my bed.
I seem to think of random colours and things you've never seen.
But I don't like to hear the ugly voices, some are rather mean!
Though I suppose we are a loving family and thus I must accept
That when it comes to stashing bodies, we are most adept...
Best of luck detective, you have three days to find her (^_^)/
-Chen Yuan Wen, 8th February 2013
Just thought I'd have a little mid-day fun with mental instability. Not exactly the best time for a release but MEH! I thought this was quite funny :3
A big thank you to all who favourited my previous work 'Undying', I'll have the thank you journal done shortly :3
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-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates
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I see. Well, the only way I would see a child-like eeriness to be relevant is if you gave some indication that the narrator was actually a child, unless you are trying to say that the narrator is child-like in nature- in which case, I didn't really gather that from the piece.
Maybe you could go into a little more detail with the piece or add a second section to it that might indicate a sort of game being played with the officers. That would give the narrator a more child-like appeal.
But, awesome poem. Mental instability in poems and stories are a favorite of mine, so I always get a bit giddy when I see you've something along those lines, Captain.
I believe this depicts the instability of the mind perfectly.
I very much like it, Captain.
I read and enjoy most of your works ^^ there's no need to thank me