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February 7, 2013
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Counting All The Voices:

How many voices choose to speak; a debate within my head.

       As I lie awake, counting cracks, on the wall above my bed.

I seem to think of random colours and things you've never seen.

       But I don't like to hear the ugly voices, some are rather mean!

Though I suppose we are a loving family and thus I must accept

       That when it comes to stashing bodies, we are most adept...
 



Best of luck detective, you have three days to find her (^_^)/




-Chen Yuan Wen, 8th February 2013
Aye maties,

Just thought I'd have a little mid-day fun with mental instability. Not exactly the best time for a release but MEH! I thought this was quite funny :3

A big thank you to all who favourited my previous work 'Undying', I'll have the thank you journal done shortly :3

Also, totally unrelated, but my new book '50 Little Glasses' is in progress, support me by buying stuff O3O do eeet naaao.

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

If you like my work and want to support me. Come buy my e-book for $1.99. I promise an epic fantasy you won't forget:



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:iconthevoiceofcreation:

I see. Well, the only way I would see a child-like eeriness to be relevant is if you gave some indication that the narrator was actually a child, unless you are trying to say that the narrator is child-like in nature- in which case, I didn't really gather that from the piece.

 

Maybe you could go into a little more detail with the piece or add a second section to it that might indicate a sort of game being played with the officers. That would give the narrator a more child-like appeal.

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:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Aug 22, 2013  Professional Writer
nah, I think I'll leave it the way it is. Majority actually picked up on that child-like eerieness in the piece because childish poems always have that creepy edge to it.

If I started pointing out everything to everyone it would lose all subtlety (which some would say it didn't even have in the first place)

Don't worry about it mate :3 I like t' leave my pieces the way they are. Changing things is never me, I only seek to do differently next time. Once something is posted it is no longer on my mind xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
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:iconthevoiceofcreation:
 that's okay.  I  understand.  it's not like I use every piece of criticism that comes my way either.  just what works for me :)  happy writing.
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:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Aug 24, 2013  Professional Writer
Trust me, that be th' best way t' work ^^

Slow and steady, that's the key x'3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
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:iconthevoiceofcreation:
I almost forgot to mention, though, that I do, however, like the wit inside this piece.
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:iconthevoiceofcreation:
Don't know if you were looking for crits on this one, as well, but I feel as if the rhyme scheme is very simple in this. I guess there's nothing wrong with that but I feel as if someone who has "voices in their head" has more complexities to them than that, and thus deserves something more complex in a rhyme scheme at least. All your word choices are rather simple, really.
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:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Aug 21, 2013  Professional Writer
Oh it's okay :3 The simplicity is designed to give a child-like eeriness to it. Seeing that as a police officer you'd wonder how deep the man's insanity goes. Or at least that was my perspective ^^

Thank you for enjoying it :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

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:iconsamikitty14:
amazing as usual ^o^
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