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Literature Text
Bedridden:
Here I lie, motionless,
A prisoner within my own body.
Yet there lies a subtle clarity;
A moment of understanding, achieved by infirmity.
And though my body is racked with pain,
My conscious mind delves ever deeper into the pool of the soul.
...Falling...faintly...
My mind is flooded with a racket of noise.
I am cast into the swirling rip-tide of forbidden knowledge,
Clinging to the flotsam of sanity as a Leviathan roars below.
It swallows me into an acidic whirlpool.
Drowning me deep beneath the bubbling surface of the past.
And there, in the murky depths where my very self begins to rot,
A grinning maw of tongues and fangs, bids me a cold "hello!".
-Chen Yuan Wen, 26th June 2013
Here I lie, motionless,
A prisoner within my own body.
Yet there lies a subtle clarity;
A moment of understanding, achieved by infirmity.
And though my body is racked with pain,
My conscious mind delves ever deeper into the pool of the soul.
...Falling...faintly...
My mind is flooded with a racket of noise.
I am cast into the swirling rip-tide of forbidden knowledge,
Clinging to the flotsam of sanity as a Leviathan roars below.
It swallows me into an acidic whirlpool.
Drowning me deep beneath the bubbling surface of the past.
And there, in the murky depths where my very self begins to rot,
A grinning maw of tongues and fangs, bids me a cold "hello!".
-Chen Yuan Wen, 26th June 2013
Literature
Bones mend, but tell no lies.
You have cataloged your scars
like your body is a library-
to be read through &
learned from.
You think of
all the little boys
whose greedy fingers
graced
your pages.
You are angry-
none
cared for you
properly:
folding
creasing
& breaking
your spine.
They left you
on a shelf
to gather dust.
& why
should you ever
forget that?
Literature
broken dreams and invisible heartstrings
Every morning,
she wakes up to a
hollow chest & stormy,
red rimmed eyes.
It's so easy to be in love
with being in love;
swallowing fake truths
& sincere lies.
But her heart—
it forgot how to smile
two years ago,
because no one can tell
the difference between
imitations & reality.
"Please,
please find me;
I'm lost between the cracks of
dying stars."
Desperate to breathe
yet wondering how it would feel
to drown,
she's never belonged
in this universe.
Literature
The music is gone.
I remember emotion
Like the deaf recall a tune.
I still have the notion,
But even that will be gone soon.
The songs are muffled at first,
But the notes remain.
I can still be immersed
In musical joy and pain.
But like a copy of a copy of a copy,
Notes are lost and misplaced,
The whole thing gets sloppy,
A masterpiece defaced.
Finally, the end of the blaze
The last notes die in a frost
Leaving the profound malaise
That something beautiful was lost.
Dead is the feeling I once had.
Left in a mute concert hall,
I wonder how it can hurt so bad,
To feel nothing at all.
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Hey everyone ^^
The Captain's got a medical condition that sort of flares up whenever he gets stressed and the move is probably very stressful for him. In any case, the condition leaves him unable to sleep from pain and so I have politely ordered him to rest for the time being.
However, he woke up later and told me to post this for all of you.
Though his condition often causes him quite a great deal of pain, he often uses those times to put his brain to work thinking up unique ways to express things in writing. So, regardless of whether you enjoyed this piece or not, this was the fruit of that effort ^^.
Anyway, enjoy everyone <3 I have to go listen to another one of his speeches about why 'real men' refuse proper pain-killers and simply endure hours of suffering because 'dat's what it means t' be a REAL MAN!' xD
P.S. I've decided to included an image I drew myself to accompany this poem, you can purchase it for just 10 points (help the Captain earn a little extra eh?) :3 Every purchase helps us a lot! <3
-Co-Captain Bunny Hayes
The Captain's got a medical condition that sort of flares up whenever he gets stressed and the move is probably very stressful for him. In any case, the condition leaves him unable to sleep from pain and so I have politely ordered him to rest for the time being.
However, he woke up later and told me to post this for all of you.
Though his condition often causes him quite a great deal of pain, he often uses those times to put his brain to work thinking up unique ways to express things in writing. So, regardless of whether you enjoyed this piece or not, this was the fruit of that effort ^^.
Anyway, enjoy everyone <3 I have to go listen to another one of his speeches about why 'real men' refuse proper pain-killers and simply endure hours of suffering because 'dat's what it means t' be a REAL MAN!' xD
P.S. I've decided to included an image I drew myself to accompany this poem, you can purchase it for just 10 points (help the Captain earn a little extra eh?) :3 Every purchase helps us a lot! <3
-Co-Captain Bunny Hayes
© 2013 - 2024 WordOfChen
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(Copying comment I posted already because it'd make more sense to put it here.)
Best of your stuff I've seen so far. Still sounds a lot more like a reading of prose than poetry, but that might be because it has an urban, Spoken Wordy edge to it, I dunno.
I did like some stuff in here though. "flotsam of sanity" "acidic whirlpool" and "swirling rip-tide of forbidden knowledge" all stood out to me.
I think what might improve your stuff would be to not relate to your imagery directly in-poem, if that makes sense. Basically, instead of saying "cast into the swirling rip-tide..." try something along the lines of "cast into swirling rip-tides...". This makes it sound nicer, and not referring to it directly doesn't take out its magic.
Another (perhaps personal) hint would be to either keep rhyming constant, or to not use it at all. Either accidentally or deliberately, you made a really nice near-rhyme with "clarity" and "infirmity"... but then you don't continue it, and it seems a bit out of place and promises more rhyming without providing any. In my own opinion, this makes the poem lose some of its touch.
However, this is still a good improvement from your other work. Keep it up!