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Aren't You Ashamed Yet?:

A Mask
Truly an object of mystique and mystery
A simple device, with a painted layer
That conceals a face of rotting worms

Oh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to overlook it?
Let me rephrase it in a more appropriate manner
You are a cowardly, pathetic, miserable, filthy
Unintelligent, soul-sucking, perfidious, bag of rotting worms

You who once held my respect, you who were once my friend
you shared in my secrets and you shared in my dreams
But in the end, it was the lies
The horrible, filthy lies that spew forth from your tainted lips...

I guess it was a simple decision
I had no need to keep up this facade
and so I decided that I too should enjoy this game
and I began to taint my lips with lies

Oh how I enjoyed your anguish and misery...
That wonderous feeling of having you squirm
and before I knew it, I found myself wearing
a mask to hide those rotting worms...

-Chen Yuan Wen, 9th September 2012
Fave it and drop a comment if you want real lit. to be on the FP instead of a secret

A Tribute to this poem was made by :iconzadyyy: - Check it out here:



Author's Comment:

Since secrets are taking over the Lit. spots, I figured I'd try a morning release and write a poem based off the secret.

Here is the sauce: [link]

Now then, I hope you all enjoy this piece of literature...which would be actual literature .___.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

Other Poems by Me:
Immortal Butterfly Immortal Butterfly:

I remember the Immortal Butterfly
Translucent wings that drank from the sky
Glittering dust would fall with every flap
Like warm tears dripped upon my tiny back

I would always chase this butterfly
as it makes its way across the sky
When I look I feel as though I can forget
The painful needles that twist into my back

I would always dream of this butterfly
and I wonder if I could ride it and fly in the sky
When I dream about it, I don't regret
Not being able to leave this tiny bed

Sometimes I can't see the butterfly
My vision turns grey like a stormy sky
I get scared during those times, because it makes me thi
You're The Drug That Keeps Me You're the Drug That Keeps Me:

You've got me twisting on the edge
and I beg to stay...
I know I should quit
but I can't walk away...
You're the drug that keeps me whole
when I'm feeling cold
When I'm feeling cold
You've got me in your hold!

EVERYTIME I WALK YOU BRING ME RIGHT BACK HERE
A HUNDRED TIMES OR MORE IT'S GETTING REALLY UNCLEAR
DO YOU LIKE TO FUCK WITH ALL MY HOPES AND INNER FEAR
OR MAYBE CUT ME DOWN SO YOU KNOW THAT I'LL KEEP YOU NEAR?

A hundred times, a hundred pages
twelve different masks and a thousand stages
You've got me beggin' for more
out in the rain at your door
I'm not a man, I'm just your little whore

A
Oh No I Know A Dirty Word Oh No I Know A Dirty Word:

Oh me, oh my, these are dirty words
How low-class, vulgar and simply absurd
You must be a thug, you've no sense of style
Let me sip some tea that was made erstwhile

I shall proceed to comment about who you are
and pointlessly engage you in a mental spar
I must prove my point to be whole you see
for the protection of the word is a duty to me

See I love to pretend that I'm someone pure
Never dirtied a sentence or darkened a door
It's like I'm holy and utterly clean
So don't take my tone as being mean

I'm simply trying to help you right?
Let me show you how to be a snob on sight
Never use the language me
Can I Cut Yet? Can I Cut Yet?:

Hey, Hey Sadako
Hey...
I really want to cut something
can I, can I please?
This girl is talking to me, she seems rather nice
The colour of her eyes makes me think of fucking lice
I want to cut her, I want to cut her so bad!
but that seems to make Sadako really sad...
Okay, I guess I won't cut her

Hey, Hey Sadako
This teacher is really boring
I want to cut him, I WANT TO CUT HIM SO BAD!
I'm in class now, Sadako stands beside me
She points out a mistake I made in my notes
I start tearing at the paper while grinding my teeth
I want to show them my frustration, OH SO BAD!
but that seems to make Sadako really sad..


Other Literature by Me:
Mercenary 1-1 MERCENARY

Chapter 1: Blood is Beauty

Release One: Pages 1 - 3

THE COLD AIR in Baron Rorke's study did little to calm his nerves. He was expecting visitors this night and they were not the best of company. A shiver of dread ran down his spine and he spent most of the twilight hours staring out of a large window which stood behind his writing desk. It was amazing, he felt, how quickly a man could become attached to a life of luxury; only to be made painfully aware of how easy it was to lose it. War was always a frightening thing, even more so when one had the knowledge and sense to realise that it was no longer an exercise of glory, but a si
Add a Comment:
 
:iconwinterkate:
I like how you have this ability to snap your tone.
God, that sounds strange, but you do. You can go from high-minded and musingly intellectual to downright cold in a second. That's a talent, and it's something that's really, really hard for me.
I like how you loop the structure of the poem. Really show it as a cycle of lying and backstabbing. That's also very good.
But I feel like this repeats maybe a little too much. Like we hear the bolded words once too often. I think it's just the originality in general that's getting me, as a matter of fact. You do what you do well, there's no disputing that. I just feel like a lot of the time, you use what I'm going to term 'recycled material'. Masks, death, cutting...there's something I like to call a Rose Poem, because the metaphor of the rose has been so overused. It's a poem that may be really technically good, but whose appeal is lost in the fact that what it's describing has been described so many times before. And I feel like this is a Rose Poem.
I know you can do original stuff. Hell, your take on cutting a while back was very original, even if it wasn't my favorite poem ever. I feel like you could do a much better metaphor than this.


You're probably wondering why I'm being so harsh on you. I am being harsh - normally, with a poem like this, I'd pick one thing and then gently suggest, instead of doing what I'm taking now, which is taking your poem apart by the stanzas.
I'm being harsh because I feel like you can take it. Because after a certain level of popularity on here I feel like people on here stop telling you how you can get better and you deserve to know how you can get better. Because I see a LOT of potential in everything that you do.
You obviously don't have to listen to anything I say. Heck, for all I know you could've stopped reading eight paragraphs ago. You can reject the critique, you can ignore the advice. It's your choice. You're the author.

But I feel like, although you are obviously very good right now, you could get even better.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
33 out of 33 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconinkedlance:
This is a pretty powerful piece. However, there are a few things I'd like to point out.

Firstly, is the 1st line, "Aren't You Ashamed Yet?:", part of the poem?

Another thing is that although the bolding of words related to worms is quite effective in portraying the filth associated, I feel that the bolding of "lies" and "tainted lips" had unnessary attention drawn towards them.

The first stanza captures the idea of the poem quite well. I have no problems here.

In the second stanza, I felt the direct address towards your subject was a little melodramatic and awkward at times. For example, you establish a conversational tone at the start of that stanza but then use words such as "perfidious" that not many people would actually say, making the tone of this stanza inconsistent.

In the third stanza, the use of anaphora ("You... you...you") was quite effective but perhaps the removal of the word 'and' might enhance the effect. Not sure, but you could try it.

In the fourth stanza, I thought the first line was a bit simplistic and redundant when combined with the last three. Otherwise, it seems fine.

The last stanza seemed a little disjointed from the rest of the poem which had a smoother progression. The narrator's direct object is suffering to suddenly and there appears to be nothing in between. The cyclical nature of this poem is effective because it implies that pretence, lies etc... are contagious. However, it may have been more effective if it the ending had been less jagged.

However, I am not an experienced writer myself and the above suggestions are just my opinion so I may be wrong.

Overall, I think this was a fittingly confronting, expressive and impressive poem.

Well done

Thank you

^_*
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
19 out of 19 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

Flagged as Spam
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Professional Writer
Who are you? You don't even have a journal by the way. I'm just gonna mark this as spam alright?

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Professional Writer
Yeaaah, there are no 'games' here. If you deleted the journal put it back up, otherwise this still counts as spam and will be marked as such.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondecayingcherrytree:
decayingcherrytree Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this poem, too
It reminds me of a line from a Marilyn Manson song, actully.. just because of the lines mentioning rotting worms. ._.

The worms will live in every host
It's hard to pick which one they eat most
Reply
:icono0sheep0o:
o0SHeeP0o Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
'everyone is a hypocrite, and that includes me' i just thought about that, how when the more one one hates something thee more the person will find his/her self following that path, or crashing with that path :D just my interpretation
Reply
:iconnoorelven:
noorelven Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012
A true concept .. we are all facades of things and people we hate .... :S
Reply
:iconamber1010:
Amber1010 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012
nice
Reply
:iconinkdweller:
inkdweller Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my, the fourth and fifth stanza really made this poem for me. What a lovely twist.
Reply
:iconsailormeowmeow:
SailorMeowMeow Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
WOW! Another WOW poem from you
! Amazing :DDD
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Haha, thank you enjoying this one, I'm very happy with the way it turned out overall :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icontwiunderseeker:
TwiUnderSeeker Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012
Great Job.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you for always reading ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:icondisruptedvice:
disruptedvice Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Student Writer
Love how it circles around again in the ending <3 Not at all how I thought this was going to turn out :)
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
hehe, well that's my style, I try to do something different to the norm.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:icondisruptedvice:
disruptedvice Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Student Writer
Late replies? Psh- totally alright with me.
Anyways, you're a write really well.
<3
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you, I'm very glad that you enjoy my writing ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconvergilusphoenix:
vergilusphoenix Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very true.. People often are challenged with such people.. lies, accusations, denial, ego and narcissism These things eat away care and love from their hearts.. and before they even know they've become monsters.. and when equal retaliation takes place.. You become a monster yourself..

Its really hard isn't it? to face a slap undeserved because you just short term anger or misunderstanding..
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Well it depends on whether it was truly undeserved, that said we are often unable to see the whole situation until we cool down so its really about the individual and whether or not they are able to see things as a whole or if they just view a narrow part

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:iconvergilusphoenix:
vergilusphoenix Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
its okay, yeah I agree :3
Reply
:iconvergilusphoenix:
vergilusphoenix Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you of* just short term anger
Reply
:iconfuryswufeiudt:
furyswufeiudt Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wow amazing work, i love it :D
Reply
:iconiseearedballoon:
ISeeARedBalloon Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love this one! Love everything about it, although I don't think I'm the right person to write a critique xD Where do you get your inspiration? What books do you read? What songs do you listen to? Cause I ADORE Nightwish and I think you and Tuomas ( writes most of their songs) have a similar writting style.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Hmmm, I used to like Nightwish, but not since Tarja left.

As for what music I listen to. I listen to a lot of different things, because similarly; a lot of different things inspire me.

I can draw inspiration from a random conversation with someone or from something I see or hear. There is no real answer to inspiration. I just find something I'm interested in and try to take a good twist on it ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:iconiseearedballoon:
ISeeARedBalloon Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's okay, thank you. I'll try and think more like that, who knows what might come up :D
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Exzonctly :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconholdthenoise:
HoldTheNoise Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
WOW. I never realized how many groups your poems are submitted to... :wow: lol. that explains a lot.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
haha yesh :3 I'm in quite a lot ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:iconavield:
Avield Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Grandpa nurgle is pleased...
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Glad to know that the Chaos gods adore my poetry =P

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:iconlydiap3:
Lydiap3 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Student Writer
I really love your works I have NO idea why I haven't started following you yet :P
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Well if you haven't yet, you should now ;3

I'm always updating with new crazy stuff ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:icontheonewholovestoeat:
TheOneWhoLovesToEat Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Student
DON'T EAT THE SPAM, DUDE
Reply
:iconwriterfriend:
writerfriend Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012
Ok usually I love your writing but u disagree with this view on masks for many people it protects them from hurting themselves and others please don't wrote on things you know nothing about
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Professional Writer
Um, I think you need to be more open minded about what a mask actually is. There isn't just one type of 'mask'. 'Masks' can be used in many different senses. Sometimes people smile and that's a mask to hide the wounds beneath. Others can use the same smile and use it to deceive others into believing their lies.

Please consider more possibilities than just one ^^ It will broaden your horizons. If you believe I know nothing about it, prove me wrong ;3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsplooshedonawall:
Splooshedonawall Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012
Chico, where is your pirate swag?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Me pirate swag be slightly hidden fer th' time being, I don't quite feel like bringin' out me accent yet ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:iconsplooshedonawall:
Splooshedonawall Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
Itssall good playa I just wanted ta know where all yo pirate swag went.
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
I don't believe a pirate be talkin' about swag like 'e's straight outta compton eh? haha ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Reply
:iconsplooshedonawall:
Splooshedonawall Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
Aye, ima be so fly with my swaggin lingo. You haven't the faintest idea ;)
Reply
:icongodofcoffee:
GodOfCoffee Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
so what he exatcly did to get you so mad?
Reply
:iconwordofchen:
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Um nothing? xD this is fictional lol

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Sorry for the late reply :iconcrycryplz:
Reply
:icongodofcoffee:
GodOfCoffee Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yup sure xD
there is no need to be upset :iconjimmiesplz:

---
God Of Coffee A.K.A The One And Only, Motherfucking Awesome, G, King of Universe, Boss, Manwhore, Ego Over 9000, Aimbot, Ultimate Douchebag, 30% Cooler..

THE COFZTA
---

np lol i dont check this 24/7 either
Reply
:iconzoey2070:
Zoey2070 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012
I think this is a fantastic poem, but no one controls what goes on the front page. As far as I know, it's purely views in a specific amount of time. So while I personally don't agree with your motive behind making the poem, I still really enjoy it.
Reply
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September 8, 2012
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